The Review: No Retreat No Surrender

No Retreat No Surrender 6/10

If you had asked me a few days ago what the movie No Retreat No Surrender was about I'd say that some kid got karate lessons from Bruce Lee's ghost and ended up beating up Jean-Claude Van Damme. And I would have been kind of right. There is so much more to this movie. I remembered it being an awesome fighting movie with cool moves and shit. I was so wrong. Some movies just do not age well. This is one. This guy named Jason has a father that teaches karate. Kung fu. Martial arts. Whatever the fuck it is its not effective in real life. Some mobsters and JCVD as Ivan the Russian show up wanting the school because apparently that is their new racket. His father says no and proceeds to get his ass kicked and his leg snapped.

The Review: Hap And Leonard Season 1

Hap And Leonard 9/10

I had seen that Netflix had this Sundance Channel produced series called Hap And Leonard and ignored it for a couple months. Seriously, the name of the show alone made it sound like some show about rednecks. Even the description seemed uninteresting to me. Then I saw that Michael K. Williams was in it and decided to give it a chance not knowing that it is based off a series of books or anything. This show is ridiculously good. Its about two guys named Hap and Leonard. Williams plays Leonard Pine who is a gay Vietnam vet and Hap Collins is a draft dodger played by James Purefoy. They are best friends who are very different from one another but their friendship seems so real. They have the kind of chemistry that people on other shows and movies can only dream of.

The Review: Iron Fist

Iron Fist 4/10

There will be spoilers. Man, they really managed to bone this series. Over the last two and a half days I watched the new Netflix series Iron Fist. This show was not as bad as some of the reviews I read afterward because there were people ready to hate this show no matter what. I was not a fan of any of the characters that Netflix has been making shows based off of but have watched them all and besides half the second season of Daredevil I have enjoyed them. Jessica Jones was good. Luke Cage was amazing. The first season of Daredevil was good. So I gave this show the same chance because I am not looking to be not entertained. What made me give this a 4 out of 10 instead of less were the characters from the shows I just mentioned showing up.

The Review: Centurion

Centurion 2/10

“My name is Quintus Dias. I am a soldier of Rome, and this is neither the beginning, nor the end of my story.” Boring! I checked this movie out on Netflix called Centurion after a couple of lists said that it was good and pretty much being ignored. It stars Michael Fassbender and has some other actors I have liked in other things. This is one of those stories about Romans and fighting and an excuse to try to be some light version of Game of Thrones. The fights are super bloody and the story is weak as hell. I shit you not, I was almost half an hour in before I realized that who I thought were supposed to be the good guys were not. It was not until I listened to the music being played when certain characters died that I thought “Oh, you're the good ones.” This movie was wack as hell and you so do not need to waste time watching it. It was made for no reason.

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The Review: 10 Cloverfield Lane

10 Cloverfield Lane 9/10

There will be some spoilers. It sucks that the fact that this movie had Cloverfield in it kept me from seeing 10 Cloverfield Lane last year. It seems like this came out more than a year ago. This movie did not have shay camera movements that made me wanna close my eyes just to not throw up. It also had an awesome story and the fact that there were pretty much three people carrying this made it that much better. This stars Mary Elizabeth Winstead as Michelle. She is driving down the road after leaving her fiance behind. While she is driving all of a sudden her car flips off of the road and she wakes up in a basement with an IV in her arm, her leg damaged, oh, and its chained to the damned wall.

You Had One Job: X-Men Film Franchise

I am going to try to simultaneously explain why the X-Men movie franchise is garbage and try to make sense of its time line at the same time. This is difficult considering how many films that have been made, reboots, retelling, actor changes, and general not giving a fuck by the writers and directors. I recently watched the latest film, Logan, and just threw my arms in the air. There were things said in the movie that made no sense (Xavier did not find Wolverine cage fighting!) and just further convoluted this series. There will be a lot of focus on the Logan/Wolverine character because he linchpins this entire series. Let's see how far I get into this before my head explodes and my face melts off.

The Review: The Jungle Book

The Jungle Book 7/10

I got around to watching the live action version of The Jungle Book expecting to not enjoy it for some reason. I had it sitting in my Netflix queue just wondering if I would ever get around to watching it. I did and really liked it. It took me a little bit to get used to the way some of the animals looked but once I did I was all in. This is about a kid named Mowgli...I am not going to tell you what The Jungle Book is about, you weirdos. Kid raised by wolves, begins to act a bit too human for animals taste, and is led towards a place where he can be left.

Theater Whore: Logan

Logan 3/10

There will definitely be some spoilers. I finally watched the latest Wolverine/X-Men movie Logan. I was shocked by how much I was not impressed with it considering so many reviews I watched slobbered all over its knob. It was just fine. Not impressive, fun, exciting, or anything special. It was just fine to me. I think I would have enjoyed this more if I didn't have almost two decades of shitty X-Men films in my head because even though they “rebooted” them they continued to drag the same dog shit on their shoes throughout the entire series.

The Review: Sneaky Pete, F Is For Family, Peaky Blinders, The OA

Sneaky Pete 3/10

I plowed through a bunch of series the last month or so. Well, the first episode for most. There are so many shows now that I am no longer giving shows two to three episodes before tapping out. The first was Sneaky Pete starring Giovanni Ribisi. Camille had told me about this show a while back and could not stand it. I decided to check it out and while I did not hate it as much as she did I found it rather boring. Its about a guy named Marius Josipovic that is a conman who gets out of prison and takes on the identity of a guy named Pete Murphy. He is on the run from a mob boss and hiding with Pete's real family that are bondsmen. I watched the first episode and could smell where this was headed. Then I watched the second and stopped halfway through because I just didn't care about this story or its characters. I wont bother ever finishing this and don't care another season is happening.