The Review: Star Wars The Force Awakens

Star Wars The Force Awakens 7/10

I liked this movie. Even though I have about eight Star Wars shirts and have made countless images of myself using stuff from the films I did not grow up watching the movies. I waited so long that I watched them in actual order and did not understand why people were such fans after watching Episodes 1-3. I got it a bit more after watching 4-6 but not seeing these as a kid definitely made it harder for me to get wrapped up in. I watched Rogue One and was confused there was no Kylo Ren. Then I watched The Last Jedi and was confused as to why Kylo was already jacked up. Turns out I watched them out of damn order again. So tonight I decided to watch The Force Awakens and either tonight or tomorrow will watch The Rise Of Skywalker and then I'll be done. I watch The Mandalorian so don't come at me with that crazy talk and watch a lot of videos online explaining lore from books, comics, and series. I'm not totally lost when it comes to this stuff. I watch reviews for the films and all I get from fans is that they hate things or love things and hate people who hate what they love. It's weird.

Dante Watches A Taste Of Evil

A Taste Of Evil 8/10

I liked this movie was more than I thought I would. This is about a girl that gets attacked, ends up in a Swiss hospital, comes back home, and shit gets bananas. Made for TV in 1971 but still good right now. The perfect amount of nonsense.

Barbara Stanwyck as Miriam Jennings

Barbara Parkins as Susan Wilcox

Roddy McDowall as Dr. Michael Lomas

William Windom as Harold Jennings

Arthur O'Connell as John

Dawn Frame as Young Susan

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The Review: Justice League Dark Apokolips War

 

Justice League Dark Apokolips War 5/10

Over the years I've watched a lot of animated DC movies. They used to make the best ones and were far better than the Marvel ones. Over time these movies changed the art style and made stories that actually connected to one another. This one, Justice League Dark: Apokolips War, was an okay movie. This could have been an entire season of a show but they squeezed a lot of characters and stories into ninety minutes so all of it felt very rushed. Basically Superman gets a head sup that Darkseid is planning on taking over Earth and since they have a warning they should attack him first. They don't know that someone is spying on them so Darkseid is watching all of this like “We'll see about that, bitch.” The entire Justice League heads out and get slaughtered immediately by these Parademons that are crossbred with Doomsday. How? Don't know. But imaging flying Doomsday's. They are beaten pretty easily and the ones that aren't killed are in hiding or enslaved by Darkseid.

The Review: Inhumans Season 1

Inhumans 0/10

Why does Black Bolt make Zoolander face? I almost gave this series a negative number. Everyone that worked on this show should wipe it off their credits because I don't think it could help them in any way. I remembered that this was a show that existed and decided to watch. I was gonna do the first two episodes at first but then decided that if I was gonna be fair to it I needed to complete it. That means I wasted over seven hours of my life watching this. Thankfully I was doing other things while it was on otherwise I actually would've stopped sooner. This show doesn't give a fuck. Wanna know how I know this show doesn't give a fuck? Look at the credits.

That is some shit a child came up with. I hope. Speaking of hope, mine were high when I first heard this was gonna be a movie. That got scrapped and was gonna be attached to Agents of Shield which I stopped watching because everyone was too attractive. That issue appears in this as well but not as badly. I am gonna go through all the main characters and try to explain the story lines they had or lack of. This is what I know about Inhumans. I am a fan of Black Bolt. He's fucking cool. I had an Inhumans shirt back in the day. I know about the powers of the rest of the royal family the team consist of but don't really care all that much. I don't know a ton about the comics and have a very general knowledge of them. This helps to keep me from comparing this show to the comic and complaining about what they got wrong. I mean, I still will with what I know. But for the most part I was able to watch this and not connect it to the comic.

Dante Watches Willie Dynamite

Willie Dynamite 6/10

This movie was better than it should've been. This angry ass pimp wants to run the city and doesn't wanna be part of the pimp union that is being formed. This movie had everything. Lamb skin suits. Knife fights. Mental abuse. And is that ALF, the alien life form? No. It's just a terrible wig the bottom girl is wearing. This was close to being a 7/10.

Roscoe Orman as William Andrew "Willie Dynamite" Short

Diana Sands as Cora

Thalmus Rasulala as Daniels

Joyce Walker as Pashen

Norma Donaldson as Honey

Roger Robinson as Bell

Albert Hall as Pointer

George Murdock as Celli

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The Review: Glass

 

Glass 0/10

Full of spoilers. “This dialogue is garbage!” That is what I said out loud while watching Glass. I liked Unbreakable a lot. I enjoyed Split and was happy that they were tied together. I saw the trailer for this last year and kinda cringed because they were such different movies and characters that I wasn't sure if they would work together. Turns out they didn't. At all. You got one character that barely talks, another in a coma, and another with a bunch of personalities that wears pretty thin pretty quickly. So David Dunn is out fighting crime and searching for Kevin aka the Horde. David beats up so teens that shoot prank videos and with the help of his son tracks down Kevin who has some young girls captured. They fight. It is pretty wack honestly. They tussle. Its not a fucking fight. They tussle and get caught by some dudes and taken to a hospital where a lady doctor named Ellie Staple tries to convince them that they aren't special at all.

Dante Watches Black Fist

 Black Fist 1/10

I was so bummed out that this movie sucked. I was hoping that this would be about this Black dude just whipping all the asses. Instead it was a guy that barely won every fight he was in. I didn't know who the hell his wife actually was or if he had some extra girls on the side. This was just awful. I still talked a lot of trash.

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Dante Watches Humanoids Monsters Of The Deep

Humanoids From The Deep 8/10

 

I watched this crazy ass movie last night and laughed and shouted at people who can't hear me cause they're in a movie made when I was 1 years old. This movie had everything. Racist fishermen, swamp monsters looking for human ass, gore, psychic babies, unnecessary explosions, a banjo band. And is that Lorne Greene? No. Its Vic Morrow playing a mumbling sheriff!

Doug McClure as Jim Hill

Ann Turkel as Dr. Susan Drake

Vic Morrow as Hank Slattery

Cindy Weintraub as Carol Hill

Anthony Pena as Johnny Eagle

Denise Galik as Linda Beale

Lynn Schiller as Peggy Larson

Meegan King as Jerry Potter

Breck Costin as Tommy Hill

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The Review: The Boys S2E8

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The Review: Still Life (2006)

 

Still Life 7/10

Did y'all know that Laemmle be releasing movies online? I didn't. Never even thought to look. Last week Camille mentioned to me that a film called Still Life was available to stream there and that we should watch it. We had seen the directors previous film Ash If Purest White and loved that movie so I was for sure down to watch this one. I knew nothing about it and didn't care. This is how I used to watch movies with her back in the day meaning every year but this one so it was a nice flashback feeling. It is actually kind of difficult for me to explain what this movie was about mostly because I have no idea about what is going on in Fengjie, China. Hell, I don't even know what's going on in North Hollywood. This movie was made in 2006, released here for a moment in 2008, and then re-released in 2016.

The Review: Unstoppable

 

Unstoppable 8/10

This movie should not have been as good as it was. Very basic story of a runaway train and two men trying to stop it. Tony Scott directed it and that man had the ability to make brushing your teeth look action packed. An idiot accidentally sets a train loose on the world and it is full of chemicals that will just ruin a lot of lives and a dude about to retire soon and a new guy that seems over it on his first damn day. Of course later you find out more about each guy while on a collision course that becomes a train chase. This movie had the back of my knees sweating with tension.

The Review: Ajin Demi Human

 

Ajin Demi-Human 5/10

I heard about this while watching Corridor Digital after a guest talked about how wasted of an opportunity that move The Old Guard had with the fact that the characters could not die. I ended up watching both seasons of this in two days. Not that it was that damned good but the episodes were short and it was a very watchable show. There is this kid named Kei Nagai that gets hit by a truck and comes back to life. How? There are these things called Ajin and people are terrified of them and the governments all over want to study them for all kinda reasons. The kid ends up getting captured and tortured before escaping and running with then away from this extremist dude named Satou who is also a Ajin who just wants to treat everything like a game instead of fighting for Ajin rights like he pretends. This could have been a movie or two. I think watch the first and last three episodes of each season will give you enough information regarding this series. They tease a third season but I'm good.

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The Review: The Boys S2E7

 

"Butcher, Baker, Candlestick Maker"

Another crazy ass episode with a lot of stuff happening. I would have been screwed if I tried to cover this whole season with one post when it finished. This starts with a guy that worships the Supes. He wakes up, goes on walks, watches TV, and he is just filled with nothing but propaganda about how it is up to people to stop super terrorists. One day at the store he sees a guy and thinks he saw light in his eyes. He builds up the courage and pulls a gun on the guy asking if he is a super terrorist and if he is bullet proof. He shoots the guy in the face killing him. Meanwhile Homelander and Stormfront are at a rally saying they need more Supes to fight for America. Stormfront sees her grand-daughter and gets a sad face. Homelander is like “Lemme show ya somethin'!” I was like “Aw, fuck.” They end up heading to Becca's place where he introduces Stormfront as his new girlfriend and he wants her to be friends with his son Ryan. Becca knows that this can not end well in any way.

The Review: Godzilla King Of Monsters

 Godzilla King Of The Monsters 1/10

This film was trash! There. You can stop reading now. Godzilla: King Of The Monsters had me hype as hell when that trailer came out last year. I didn't rush to see it but just watched it on HBO and my lord. What a boring, strange mess. I liked the first Godzilla movie back in 2014 but thought the human parts were boring. Well, it was like they decided that the best decision with this one was to take that and multiply it by twenty. There are zero interesting characters in this movie. Not even the monsters. I found myself squinting a lot to fully see the monsters.

The Review: Birds Of Prey

 

Birds Of Prey 2/10

This was a Netflix movie. I just finished watching Birds of Prey aka Birds of Prey (and the Fantabulous Emancipation of One Harley Quinn). I don't have a whole lot to say about this even though when I don't like a movie my reviews tend to be longer. This movie is about Harley Quinn trying to survive because everyone now knows she and Joker are no longer together so they want to kill her. There is also a little girl being tracked down because she stole a diamond that belongs to Huntress' family and worth a lot. They also need the kid to shit out the diamond. I laughed at how bad the fights looked where people were sent flipping and flying from a punch or kick. The music was trash. I hated every song in this. The writing, particularly for the little girl, was distractedly bad. The characters are so far removed from their comic book and/or cartoon versions that this could have just been called something else. How you gonna introduce four important ass characters in one movie shoehorned into what is a Harley Quinn film? I have zero desire to see a movie with any of these characters again and I hope that in the new Suicide Squad film this is not mentioned. This was a long shiny music video.

Margot Robbie as Harleen Quinzel/Harley Quinn

Mary Elizabeth Winstead as Helena Bertinelli/The Huntress

Jurnee Smollett-Bell as Dinah Lance/Black Canary

Chris Messina as Victor Zsasz

Ella Jay Basco as Cassandra Cain

Ali Wong as Ellen Yee

Ewan McGregor as Roman Sionis/Black Mask

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