Dante Watches Alligator (1980)

Alligator 7/10

I watched this crazy movie called Alligator that was made in 1980. It is about an alligator that is hopped up on all the drugs and needs to keep eating folks to survive that is being chased by a cop with something to prove. It was way more entertaining than it deserved to be!

Robert Forster as David Madison

Robin Riker as Marisa Kendall

Michael V. Gazzo as Chief Clark

Dean Jagger as Slade

Sydney Lassick as Luke Gutchel

Jack Carter as the Mayor 

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You Had One Job: Race In Entertainment

This is where I complain, rant, and ramble. Welcome. Mike Henry is the voice actor of the cartoon character Cleveland Brown from his own series The Cleveland Show which ran from 2009-2013 as well as Family Guy since 1999. He has stepped down from the role after stating “It's been an honor to play Cleveland on Family Guy for 20 years...I love this character, but persons of color should play characters of color. Therefore, I will be stepping down from the role.” Jenny Slate has also decided to stop playing a character on Big Mouth that is biracial. This is just the start of what is going to end up being a not good thing to me. For the past few days I have been thinking about this the same way I thought about how people were upset with Bryan Cranston for playing a paraplegic in The Upside. I get most things...to a certain extent.

The Review: Crawl

Crawl 1/10

This movie should've been called Baffled. Crawl is trash. I just read and watched some reviews after seeing this crap with CK and we were both left speechless at certain points of this. I don't see how anyone can watch this and be entertained by it. I didn't hate it but I would never suggest this to anyone unless I didn't like them and wanted them to be confused for an hour and a half. This woman Haley swims well. She is the swimminest swimmer who ever swam. She swims so hard! I am not sure how old Haley is. Not sure if she is in high school or college or what. Her sister calls her on FaceTime in the locker room while everyone is undressing which makes the not knowing folks ages even worse. Her sister says a big ass hurricane is coming and that she needs to check on their dad. Haley don't talk to her dad anymore because he made her swim so much. She heads to their old home to see what the hell he is up to.

Dante Watches Devil Dog Hound From Hell (1978)

Devil Dog Hound From Hell 2/10

This movie was weird as all hell. It is about a cult that brings a demon back in the form of a dog and the dogs are given away. One family gets it and it immediately starts jacking up the family dynamic leaving the father to solve this mysterious mystery!

Richard Crenna as Mike Barry

Yvette Mimieux as Betty Barry

Kim Richards as Bonnie Barry

Ike Eisenmann as Charlie Barry (as Ike Eisenman)

Tina Menard as Maria

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Not Sad Black Movies

Amazon, Hulu, and Netflix have compiled a list of movies that are meant to show the plight of Black people around the world. If you browse through you will see chains, fire, and a lot of sad looking Black folk. It's not cool. I know these companies mean well with what they are doing but a lot of the films they suggest are trash films to begin with or just straight up depressing as fuck. As I watch people I know and online check out these movies I just think “We aren't just struggle!” As hard as it is to be Black we actually do manage to find humor in the world. Hell, think of the ten best comedians ever and at least seven of them will be Black. That is if you have a sense of humor. Or maybe you haven't been exposed to much Black stuff. That is another thing I am realizing as the Black Lives Matter protest and movement continue. A lot of people were never exposed to things that didn't look like them.

The Review: Runaways Season 1

Runaways Season One 2/10

So yeah. I just finished watching season one of the series Runaways. After ten one hour long episodes I still can't tell you what the fuck this show is about other than some uninteresting teenagers with slightly more interesting parents find out their parents are evil. Why are they evil? For some guy. Who is the guy? He was ashy and dying but now he isn't and wants to drill into the city. Why? Because there is a living rock or something down there. What does the rock do? I have no idea and neither do the parents who have killed over a dozen runaways through the front of a church to do so. Why are gang members involved? Because of Black father. Why use runaway children as victims? Because social commentary. I have never read the comic but knew it existed so I can't be happy or mad at how certain characters were portrayed.

The Review: What We Do In The Shadows Season 2

What We Do In The Shadows Season Two 10/10

Episode 9

This show is too damned funny. This is one of those series that I wonder why more people aren't talking about it. In the past two seasons, twenty episodes total, there have been no episodes that haven't made me crack up laughing. This episode starts with Laszlo cutting apples from his tree because as a vampire they are gross to him and he is lured away by a ghostly voice that belongs to a goat. He gets sucked into a portal into the sky shouting “What kind of goat sorcery is this?!” Yes, I laughed like an idiot. Nandor and Nadja look for Laszlo and she immediately blames witches. Nandor thinks she blames everything on witches. Well, it turns out it is witches. Nandor gets snatched away next. Guillermo, Colin, and Nadja hop into a car chasing down the witches and find them at a shop.

The Review: Knives Out

Knives Out 10/10

So tonight I finally watched Knives Out. I didn't have a powerful desire to see this when it was coming out. I hadn't even watched the trailer and couldn't remember who was in it. I just knew it was a mystery story. Holy crap, this movie was good! It was so good that I refuse to spoil it in case some of y'all want to check this out on Amazon. I don't watch as many mystery movies as I used to because they started getting lazy. What I mean by that is the movies would be something you could possibly solve but then they would show some shit that never appeared in the movie and ta-daaaaa! Credits. This is one of those movies I will definitely watch again to see what I missed.

Dante Watches Heatwave! (1974)

Heatwave 5/10

I just finished watching this crazy ass movie called Heatwave. It came out in 1974. It is about a couple who are suffering through a city wide (world maybe?) heatwave that is kicking all their asses so they decide to head to a cabin to cool off and the madcap adventures begin! This is longer than my other commentaries because I could not stop talking shit about the husband in this.

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Dante Watches Get Christie Love!

Get Christie Love! 3/10

I watched this thinking it was a movie when it was actually the pilot episode that took place over a few nights. That explains the weird transitions. This movie was a lot of nonsense. Again, I talk over the movie in Black Stereo and just posted some of the parts in this video.

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The Review: The Vast Of Night

The Vast Of Night 5/10

This was fine. I finished watching The Vast Of Night on Amazon and it was a fine movie. I could have walked out the room for minutes at a time if I needed to and would not have been confused or really missed anything when I returned. This is about a switchboard operator named Fay and a radio DJ named Everett who discover that there is a weird sound being broadcast over the airwaves. Some listeners hear it and some people call Fay saying that they see an object in the sky. A caller named Billy tells of being in the military and being recruited to do some shady alien type shit.

The Review: Beastars

Beastars 9/10

Full of spoilers. A few days ago I saw that this animated series called Beastars was on Netflix and checked it out just because I liked the way the art looked. I knew nothing about the story going in and by the end of the first episode knew that I was gonna finish this. This takes place in a world of nothing but animals. There are hundreds of types but they are pretty much broken down into herbivores and carnivores. The high school is the main setting for this as well so there is puh-lenty of drama in that regard. The main characters are a wolf named Legoshi and a white rabbit named Haru.

The Review: Black Cobra (1987)

Black Cobra (1987) 3/10

This movie was booty. I was hoping Black Cobra would have the good cheese and fights. It had neither. It was 90 minutes of annoying ass characters and people just being straight up dumb. A negotiator is assigned to protect a woman who witnessed a murder by a fucking psychopath that runs a gang.

Fred Williamson as Det. Robert Malone

Eva Grimaldi as Elys Trumbo

Bruno Bilotta as Bandit Leader

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The Review: Disco Godfather

Disco Godfather 6/10

I watched this movie Disco Godfather hoping it would have disco and karate and it did so I am pleased with this choice. This movie was crazy as hell in all the right ways. The basic plot is a former cop turned DJ/club owner's nephew gets hooked on PCP and he starts a war to stop the dealers and keep the drugs off the streets. I decided to do this in commentary form because there is no way in hell I can make this make sense otherwise.

Rudy Ray Moore as Tucker Williams

Carol Speed as Noel

Jimmy Lynch as Sweetmeat

Jerry Jones as Dr. Fred Mathis

Lady Reed as Mrs. Edwards

Hawthorne James as Stinger Ray

Julius Carry as Bucky

Hazel Spears as Ellen Davis

Frank Finn as Lt. Frank Hayes

Pucci Jhones as the Angel of Death

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The Review: Legion Season 3

Legion Season Three 10/10

Full of spoilers. There were so many times during this season that I forgot to take a damn breath. Wow. That was great. I was sitting here a couple days ago trying to figure out what to watch and remembered that Legion was on Hulu. The idea was to watch two episodes a day. That went out the window after watching two last night and all the rest today so this will not be a recap of every episode. That is difficult with this kind of show anyway so this is mostly gonna be me talking about what I enjoyed and gushing over it. I also see from my reviews of season one and season two that I have given every season 10/10. That is a first for any series I've ever watched. It sucks that not as many people are/were talking about how great this show was.

The Review: The Prophecy

The Prophecy 6/10

I had not seen this movie, The Prophecy, since I was in high school. All I remembered were a couple of actors in it and that Lucifer roared like a sexy lion. This movie was fucking weird. Not in a bad way but it was super weird. This dude named Thomas Dagget is about to be made into a Catholic priest when all of a sudden he starts seeing images of angels fighting and he collapses. Next thing you know he's a cop. Seriously. It is that fast. He heads home and this guy named Simon warns him about bad things coming. Simon, who is an angel, gets attacked by another angel that ain't even got eyes and kills him. The police come and Thomas is one of them. They do an autopsy and it is a hermaphrodite with baby bones and no eyes ever.