This movie has influenced me in so many ways. None of them good. I believed that if I wanted to bad enough that one day I would get The Glow. No, not by being a good person and practicing for years doing karate. But just by wanting to have the power to look electric and beat the shit out of people. The Last Dragon is one of the best films of the 80’s.
This movie is set in New York where according to movies nothing good ever happens and there’s this dude named Leroy Green aka Bruce Leroy because that shit is funny. He trains to reach the final level like its some kinda damned video game. I’m not a fan of Leroy. Mainly because he’s so damned pretty.
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| I'm pretty. |
That son of a bitch. Anyway, while he’s at the movies in walks this dude calling himself Sho Nuff The Shogun of Harlem. How batshit crazy do you have to be to name yourself this? How batshit crazy do you have to be to follow someone by that name?! After failing to get Leroy to fight him he beats the shit out of everyone else in the theater that thinks they’re bad.
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| "Who sent the Asian into this karate film?!" |
Sho Nuff ends up making Leroy kiss his sneakers in one of the best scenes in film. “Kiss my Converse.” Now Leroy looks like a bitch in front of everyone and I laugh like “Take that, you light skinned beautiful son of a bitch!” There’s a bullshit story thrown in with a evil music executive named Eddie Arkadia that isn’t interesting so I won’t go into it.
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| Irrelevant! |
Vanity shows up as a singer that is in trouble and hires Leroy as her protector. Now, I know some of you kids are like “What’s so special about her? What’s with her hair?” Shut up, you! Back in the day Vanity was the epitome of fucking sexy. God, just thinking about her now makes me wish I could type with one hand. Wait a second…I can!
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| Retroactive Fap's still count! |
Let’s fast forward to the end battle between Sho Nuff and Leroy. Sho Nuff is beating the shit out of Leroy and I’m just cheering the entire time. Even when I watch it on DVD I cheer because fuck the good guy. Turns out that Sho Nuff has the Glow! Yes! His hands start glowing red and sparks and shit start flying every time he hits Leroy. Oh, it was beautiful!
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| Somebody 'bout to get fucked! |
That is until Leroy, while drowning, suddenly whips his jerry curl out the water and now he’s got The Glow. His is golden like his flawless goddamn skin and he starts to beat the shit out of Sho Nuff which sucks because I like him. Leroy wins, gets the girl, and all is right with the world.
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| Leroy's got The Glow. Yay... |
How can you go back to regular life after finding out that you can make yourself glow and beat the living hell out of people? And what happened to Sho Nuff? Did his gang leave him? Did he die? If you haven’t seen this movie you need to fucking rent it now. This movie kicks eleven kinds of ass and has a fun soundtrack. And…Vanity is in it!!!
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| YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! |
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