DVDiculous: Le Femme Nikita

I finally watched Le Femme Nikita for the first time. I’ve heard of this movie for years and people have said how good it is. Nope. This movie was average at best. I wonder what people saw in it that I didn’t. This is from the same director of The Professional which is one of the best damned movies I’ve ever seen. It was made in 1990 so I had to forgive the terrible almost pornish sounding music.

"Psst! You holding?"

The movie is about a chick that is a drug addict. She and her friends rob a store and everyone ends up getting killed. Well, except her and a cop that she proceeds to kill for no reason. She ends up tried and convicted of murder and gets life in prison. She gets “executed” and wakes up in a room where a guy tells her that she is dead to the world and he wants to give her a chance to start a new life. She ends up trying to hostage her way out of the place but ends up getting shot in the leg for her troubles.

Cowering is the newest form of self defense.

She goes through fight training, how to be a lady, and cleaned up because she looked busted. She gets her first mission after graduating and is left at a restaurant where her escape turns out to be false. She makes her way back to base all pissed off and discovers that it was set up that way on purpose. At this point in the film I’m still not on her side.

Hey, is that Viggo Morti--no. Just some creeper.

She gets her own place after being set free and meets a guy at the market. She’s still pretending to be a nurse. They start dating and move in together. Six months later its time for her to kill someone. Her former boss Bob shows up pretending to be her uncle. He gives the couple some free tickets to Venice where they go to relax. Of course its to kill some more folks which she does. Later she gets another mission that is complicated and not interesting at all until Victor The Cleaner shows up. Its Leon The Professional!!! Yes! This is about to get better!

Thank god he got his own film.

It doesn’t really. He shows up to pour acid on the people that were killed and one that isn’t quite dead. One guy helping loses his shit and shoots the cleaner but he survives and shoots him dead. Anyway, the movie ends with quite a whimper after another botched mission.

Worst. Vacation. Ever.

Some folks talked about how empowering this was for women. Yeah, I’m gonna have to disagree with that one. She cries all the time, she freaks out when things go wrong, and she’s a fuck up. She’s an unlikable character who I didn’t want to win. I should not be shocked that the director has gone on to create only two other films people like.