DVDiculous: Taking of Pelham 123

So for whatever reason I decided to watch Taking Of Pelham 123. Maybe I’m on some whole kick of watching just how damned dangerous the state of New York is or something seeing as how I just viewed The Brave One. So I sat down to see what would happen when Denzel Washington and John Travolta felt like playing tag.

All hands, report to bridge!

Denzel is working at a train station making sure shit goes smoothly. Travolta is running a group of psychos hellbent on taking a subway car hostage and getting a cool $10,000,000 in the process. Travolta calls Denzel and is like “Yo. Got a train full of hostages. Get me cash in an hour or I kill one for every minute you’re late.” Denzel is like “Okay. I’ll see what I can do.”

"We stop anywhere near Astoria everybody go night-night!"

So while they try and scrounge up the cash from the mayor played by Tony Soprano who no one likes the hostages do dumb things. There is one scene where this lady sees a Black dude and is like “You gonna save us?” and he’s like “Fuck that noise” because as Dave Chappelle and I have pointed out Black people make bad hostages. She thinks because he was a soldier he would. I say why not use that little kid she has as a weapon? Women always wanna sacrifice dudes for shit. Anyway, Soprano gets the cash and they send it into the subways. Or they try.

Unless he's breathing hard I don't pay attention to him.

On the way the car taking the cash gets into two goddamn accidents! Even one of the motorcycles escorting them gets wrecked. So they decide to have Denzel take the money himself. That. Happened. So he does and the kidnappers take him with them before he escapes. He then decides to chase Travolta down screaming “You motherfuckers will be playing basketball in Pelican Bay when I get finished with you!” No, he doesn’t say that. He says “I don’t wanna shoot you but I will, dagnabbit!”

A Black man running through New York with a gun in broad daylight and not killed. Welcome to movies!

This movie isn’t really bad. I liked it until they got off the subway. After that it became a giant mess of nonsense. I mean, Travolta and his crew have been all over TV and the internet so everyone should know their faces yet they walk in broad ass daylight to find cabs. Speaking of the internet there’s a dude held hostage whose girlfriend is like “Tell me you love me!” while two feet away guys with guns are standing. Fuck that girl. I hope they broke up right after he got home.