The Review: The Matrix Resurrections

The Matrix Resurrections 1/10

This was ass. Loved the first Matrix movie. Second had interesting fights. The third...yeah. Matrix: Resurrections was something that didn't need to happen. It didn't make me nostalgic. The effects weren't groundbreaking. The music. Geez. There is a song that starts playing at the end credits that made me want to throw my remote at the TV. The song was that bad. It took me two days to finish this because it felt odd and long. I did not think that this was gonna be a great movie. I knew some of the original cast was coming back but it wasn't like I wondered “I wish I knew what was going on with Neo and Trinity...” This movie can almost be watched without seeing the others because they turned the Matrix into a joke it feels. The first movie started people on paths of philosophical thought and revolutionized the action genre. This had fight scenes you could see on The CW Network. I shouldn't have watched this.

Keanu Reeves as Thomas Anderson/Neo

Carrie-Anne Moss as Tiffany/Trinity

Yahya Abdul-Mateen II as Morpheus

Jonathan Groff as Smith

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The Review: The Wheel Of Time

The Wheel of Time 9/10

Hey, book fans. I get it. I know how you feel when you read something and it is made into a movie or series and they change so much it doesn't make sense. It happened to me with Altered Carbon. I saw the first season, liked it, read the books and hated it. American Gods? Read the book, loved it, liked the show, read the book again, hated the show. But with Wheel of Time I had never even heard of the books and have zero desire to and the main reason is the people who actually have read the books. When Altered Carbon started its second season I didn't even finish the first episode because I quickly realized it wasn't for me. I wasn't gonna force myself to sit and watch a show I wasn't enjoying and had no hopes of it improving. I also didn't want to write about it every week or whatever about how it wasn't what I wanted and expected. I do that enough with other things. So when L. and I started watching this I was hooked immediately and some of it seems for reasons people were upset.

The Review: Hawkeye

Hawkeye 2/10

I didn't like it. That's all. Kidding. But not really. I did not enjoy Hawkeye as much as I expected to. Does it help that I absolutely loved every previous Disney+/Marvel series? It should've. They were knocking them out the park this year and this one started off with me being into it but as the main star Kate Bishop was older and acting like she was 10 and got progressively more annoying as the show went on I lost interest but kept watching out of a silly sense of dedication. Plus all the movies and shows are connected and I didn't wanna miss out on anything. Basically when Kate was little during the New York battle with the Avengers, Hawkeye incidentally saved her life. Her dad ends up dying and she and her mom survive and Kate wants a bow and arrow. She grows up competing in many sports that require discipline but someone don't listen to shit anyone says especially Hawkeye.

The Review: A Christmas Story

A Christmas Story 8/10

This is the first time I had ever seen A Christmas Story. I know. I know! What I could recall about knowing this movie existed was a lamp with a lady's leg and some kid getting his tongue stuck to a pole. That is it. So L. was as upset about this as when I said I had never watched The Grinch Who Stole Christmas. Yes, I have now watched that as well. I liked it. So with A Christmas Story I could relate to this kid so much with wanting just one single toy. He wanted a rifle but his mom, his teacher, and even Santa Claus told him that he would shoot his eye out of he got it and I'll be damned if when taking his very first shot with the gun he nicked his cheek, knocked his glasses off, and then stepped on them. It was a lot. There were some scenes that made me bust up laughing like the lunatic bullies who chased him every day, Flick crying for help when he got stuck to that pole, and the little brother Randy falling on his bike like a turtle. The movie also flew by. I'm not sure why I never watched this even as an adult but I am glad that I got to see it now.

Peter Billingsley as Ralphie Parker

Ian Petrella as Randy Parker

Melinda Dillon as Mrs. Parker

Darren McGavin as Mr. Parker 

Scott Schwartz as Flick

R. D. Robb as Schwartz

Zack Ward as Scut Farkus

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The Review: This Christmas

This Christmas 6/10

This movie had everything. Bottles against heads. Loan sharks. Gun threats. Spousal abuse. Jail. Baby oil. A secret White woman. This starts at a club in Chicago and after this dude Quentin finishes playing saxophone he smacks a dude over the head with a bottle and runs away. It was pretty intense. Back in LA the mother of this family, Shirley, wants all her kids together for the holiday. She is dating a guy named Joe after her husband left the family years ago to play music. The oldest is Quentin who bottles people and runs. He ain't been around for four years. Lisa who is a housewife, mother, helping run the mom's laundry business, and has a cheating ass husband. Kelli is visiting from New York. She ain't interesting. Claude is a Marine with a secret White woman. Mel is a college student with a boyfriend. Also not interesting. And finally Baby who wants to be a photographer and secret musician. See, Shirley hates music since her husband left to play music. Think that is everyone. Oh, and Joe is a deacon and dating Shirley.

The Review: The Best Man Holiday

The Best Man Holiday 8/10

L. continues to get me watching Black movies that I should have seen years ago. I really liked this one. The Best Man Holiday was exactly how I would imagine all of these people being like years after the first movie. Harper is a trash person still. I know that time has passed but he is still not shit and I am sure that I should see him differently but I just can't. He a snake and was called one and I agreed so damn much. Everyone decides to meet at Lance's place for the holidays. Lance is close to retiring from the NFL and breaking a rushing record. Harper has not sold a book that has done as well as his first in years and has almost no money left on top of the fact that his wife Robyn is pregnant and has struggled to carry a child. Jordan is dating a white dude and Harper has the nerve to act some way over her being in a relationship. Murch is not able to get more finding for his school after an old video of his now wife Candy (the stripper he fell for) comes out. He wont tell her about it but treats her like trash because of it. His old girlfriend Shelby is now on one of those Housewives type shows where she is famous and just fights folks. Quentin is doing well and is still a horndog and the best part of these movies.

The Review: Three Bad Christmas Movies

For the last few years me and Cam have watched some bad Christmas movies. A couple nights ago she called me about some that were on Hoopla. Mind you, we fast forwarded through a lot of these but still managed to follow the plots. The main thing these films had in common were almost no relation to Christmas, bad lighting, sound, and clothing. After talking to L. about these I decided that I would not be giving these a rating...but if I did they would all be 0's. Enjoy!

The Review: What We Do In The Shadows Season 3

What We Do In The Shadows Season 3 (2/10)

It is crazy how I can enjoy a series so much and then it takes a nosedive. I disliked this past season so much that I forgot to even write about it. The cast is all the same and they even added a few extra but the writing seemed...off. It felt like the show was making fun of itself it that makes any sense. Sort of how Black Mirror became a parody of Black Mirror so much that when shows mocked it they looked like actual episodes of the series. That is what I felt like watching this. There was one episode (the gym cult) that had me laughing but the rest just felt strange and rushed. There is supposed to be another season. I'm at a point in my life where I don't feel the need to continue watching series that go on too long and don't make me happy the way they used to.

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The Review: Last Night In Soho

Last Night In Soho 4/10

I watched the movie Last Night In Soho a few weeks ago and it took me a while to figure out whether I liked this movie and what rating I would give it. When comparing it to the other directors films this one is by far my least favorite. I've watched the rest minimum five times but feel zero desire to watch this one again. If I was grading this on how it looked it would be a 10/10 because it looked great. But things worked against it that are all on me. Not a fan of one of the stars and the other annoyed me with her voice. But still. Great looking movie. This movie is about a skittish young woman who sees her dead mother and is obsessed with London in the 60's. She heads there for fashion school though he aunt warns her how London ate her mother alive.

The Review: Every Harry Potter Film

The Harry Potter books came out like 20 years ago when I was working in a book store. And by book store I mean porn shop. These books flew off the shelves and I didn't know why. Ten years later the moves came out and I saw the first three sporadically but didn't get into them like most folk did. I saw the same three one more time and have made Perler bead designs from the movies and it wasn't until a couple months ago that L. who is a huge fan of the films decided that I needed to watch the rest of them which I did.

The Review: Venom Let There Be Carnage

Venom: Let There Be Carnage 0/10

I can't even be mad. I knew this film was gonna be trash after the trailer came out. The first one was bad but they somehow made this one even worse. I guess if you don't care about a good story, acting, music, character design, or tone of a film than this is incredible. I didn't like anything about this and gave it a 1 instead of a zero because I finished it. Like, there is supposed to be funny moments in this all over the place but I didn't laugh a single time. The fights looked bad. I didn't care about any of the characters. And then the nerve to tie it to the MCU at the end? Please don't. I have enjoyed Spider-Man in the MCU and the idea of slapping this trash to it makes my asshole twitch. Years ago I wrote about Venom and Sony (click here to read that) and the Spider-Man movies had not even come out yet. Now that they have I don't want this near it. Oh. Right. The story. Venom and Eddie don't get along. Eddie stills likes his ex. Eddie gets a dude executed but not before he bites Eddie. Dude is Carnage. Dude breaks out girlfriend whose power happens to be Venom and Carnage's weakness. Venom beats him. Looking at my old review I gave it a 0. Yeah. I'm changing this one to a 0. I couldn't suggest this shit to anyone.

Tom Hardy as Eddie Brock/Venom

Michelle Williams as Anne Weying

Naomie Harris as Frances Barrison/Shriek

Reid Scott as Dan Lewis

Stephen Graham as Patrick Mulligan

Woody Harrelson as Cletus Kasady/Carnage:

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The Review: A Chestnut Family Christmas

A Chestnut Family Christmas 5/10

So L. has been wanting to watch some Christmas movies with me and we watched this crazy ass movie called A Chestnut Family Christmas. This lady Nina is a live in cook for a family that is gonna be moving from Chicago to LA in a few months. They leave for the holidays and she invites her best friend Malcolm over. She doesn't want to see her brothers for the holidays because she has been competing with them her entire life and living in their shadows. They say they cant have it at their house so they invite themselves over to her place and by her place I mean where she is staying that is not hers but she lied and said its her place. She also lied about still being a lawyer. And lied and said that Malcolm is her fiancé. I swear. Its just lies in lies with this woman. Malcolm is about to be the new deacon at a church and has a fiancé of his own that I kept calling his aunty.