The Review: Dark Phoenix

Dark Phoenix 1/10

Full of spoilers and complaints. There have been twelve X Men films. Twelve. Let that sink in for a second. And out of those twelve they have not made a good one. Good scenes? Yeah. Cool shots? Sure. But an actual “Holy shit I can't wait to see that again!” movie? Hell no. This movie was butt. I have tried to figure out the timeline for these movies and it is fucking impossible. Even when it was rebooted they managed to fuck it all up by mixing in aspects of the previous films as if they were so good they couldn't pass it up. I blame this on Wolverine. No matter what they wanted to make sure he was still attached to these in some way and ended up boning themselves right in the b-hole. This movie is a fucking mess from actual start to literal finish and I am so glad that they are done with it. It just sucks that they somehow managed to make the worse X Men film as their last. Where do I even start? That's probably what the writer of this mess said. Oh god. This is the directors first legit time directing. He also wrote a lot of terrible shit. Simon Kinberg. Look him up. I did not want this movie to be as terrible as it was. I would have loved to have been surprised. But it was actually worse than I imagined.

The Review: Dolemite

Dolemite ???/10

I am not gonna sit here and try to give this movie an actual number rating. This movie was fucking insane. Let me rant about something for a moment. Amazon has a ton of movies. It is not easy to find new movies. They suggest booty ass movies most times but this time after watching Dolemite they suggested a ton of Black films and my goofy ass is gonna watch a whole bunch of cheesy ones that I have heard of but never seen like this one. Dolemite has been set up by a rival and is spending twenty years in prison. The warden makes a deal with him to stop the guy because even though Dolemite was bad this guy is way worse. Dolemite gets out and minutes later he and his women gun down three guys.

Sitting In The Aisle: Hobbs And Shaw

Hobbs And Shaw 7/10

Full of spoilers. This was for sure an action movie. I watched Hobbs And Shaw even though I said I wouldn't. Not that I hate the Furious movies because I have seen all of them (except Tokyo Drift because fuck that nonsense). There was so much cast drama about this being made which made me laugh because the loudest ones were the ones that could be easily replaced and I wouldn't even care. Tyrese was barking like a baby dog and I joked that Kevin Hart could replace him and be better. Guess what? Hart is in this fucking movie. I had no idea. And they use just the right amount of him which made it even better. In this movie Shaw has a sister named Hattie that is an M16 agent. She and her team are there to stop a super virus called Snowflake. Everything is going fine until this dude named Brixton Lore shows up and starts punching holes in steel. This bastard is too strong so she injects herself with the virus because...science? She gets away and M16 thinks she turned on her team and took the virus. Like immediately. They believe she turned in a second. Shaw then visits his hot ass mother I prison. This is all in the first twelve minutes of the movie!

The Review: Reign Of Supermen

Reign Of Supermen 2/10

I was so bummed out watching Reign Of Supermen. DC has made some really good animated movies but this one fell flat in so many ways. Maybe it was rushed. Maybe they got cocky. Either way they ended up making a lazy animated, sloppy story that did nothing to make new characters interesting or ones I'd ever want to see a full movie about. The Justice League end up having to be dumbed down just so these other characters got a chance to appear. Even if one of these movies have a silly story the art saves it but in this there are points where they could not be bothered to animate people running from danger or streets were straight up empty. The previous Death Of Superman movie set this up to be good but this follow up straight up stank. The art was levels below the look of the previous movie and it didn't even feel like the two were connected. Why rush to even make this movie? Make a few good ones showing everyone surviving without Superman and then bring him back. Nah. Most of the voice work was good. Hmm. Some. Not most.

Click here for previous The Review.

The Review: Mission Impossible Fallout

Mission Impossible Fallout 3/10

Well, it was definitely a movie. I have seen all of the Mission Impossible movies and while some were super action heavy with some story accidentally getting involved this one was nothing but explosions with some spy type shit squeezed in to shut people like me up. The face swap thing isn't even cool anymore. I don't know how you can have a team of spies that do so much public damage. You would not be able to explain away the shit they get away with to a government. In Paris alone they would've been asking hundreds of questions after the motorcycle chase. If you have never seen one of these movies, I think there are five previous ones, and watched this you would not feel lost. Even if you are like “He was married?!” they go out of their way to plot that out. Its fine.

The Review: Aquaman

Aquaman 3/10

I finally watched Aquaman. This movie came out during last year when I put my foot down and decided that I was not gonna rush out and see every superhero movie that came out. This is on HBO so I decided to watch it. I was shocked at how long it was. I was not shocked by how long it felt. This is an origin story even though we've already seen Arthur/Aquaman before. In this movie he earns his title and defends Earth against Atlantians and Atlantians against themselves and finds his mother who he thought was dead and has been gone for decades. I did not expect this to be a good movie. I wasn't even looking to be surprised by it being better than I'd hoped like Shazam because you can not make this character entertaining by himself using the cast they have. Is it better than Justice League? Yeah. That's not a difficult task. But it was long and they crammed in way too much shit. Black Manta was wack as shit. The main bad guy whose name I can't even think of right now was lame. And I knew he would hook up with Mera as soon as she showed up.

Sitting In The Aisle: Once Upon A Time...In Hollywood

Once Upon A Time In Hollywood 9/10

Spoilers ahead. I love movies. I go to movies to be entertained. I do not want the real world intruding. If someone falls two stories and gets up and runs away I am fine. If someone can stop time I am fine. If Bruce Lee is portrayed as the most cocky, confident man ever I am all for it. Cam invited me to go see Once Upon A Time In Hollywood at the Arclight. We saw the 35mm version which I would suggest. Made it feel more move-ish. This movie had us gasping, laughing, cheering, and feeling very satisfied. Cam went into this not knowing anything about the movie. She didn't even know Sharon Tate was a part of the story. I had already read a fake plot of it online and knew all the gossip behind the scenes. So I was super happy to see that I was wrong, the internet was wrong, and that Quentin Tarantino made another good movie. I hated Django Unchained. I hated The Hateful Eight. So I wasn't dying to see this one. If this is for real his last film then he did an amazing job and didn't drop any n-bombs.

The Review: Barry Season 2 (1 - 3)

I finished watching season two of Barry last night and am feeling so damned happy that shows like this exist. I loved season one (click here to read that review) and this one managed to be even better. Don't know how they did it but they did. This is gonna be full of spoilers because I do not like that I blew through the first season in my previous review the way I did. I should have written them episode by episode but when I am binging a show that means stopping to write and that is not fun. So this will be a review/recap of the second season.

This season picks up closely following the previous and the death of Detective Moss is being investigated. Her death hangs over this show like a fart that can not be ignored. Any time I start to like Barry I am reminded that this guy is a killer that needs to be dealt with. Yeah, another season later and my goofy ass is still struggling with this problem. What the hell does that say about me?

The Review: Barry Season 1

Barry Season 1 (9/10)

This is a damn good show. I had people at work telling me that Barry on HBO was good but I did not think from the trailers that I'd be into it. The basic premise is that a hitman wants to be an actor. Okay. That does not sound all that interesting to me. Then I decided to watch the first episode and knew my ass was hooked. The humor on this show is genuine. No forced yucks being thrown out. The action is intense and the violence is sudden. The characters make this show and the conversations they have feel authentic. Even though this show is violent and you have no idea who is gonna make it through an episode or the season (one death shook my ass!) I stayed invested. The episodes are about half an hour each and there are only eight episodes in a season so it flies by.

10 Reasons Why You Should Have Watched The Boys

The Boys 9/10

This will be full of spoilers. Last weekend I watched the new Amazon series The Boys. I have read some of the comic book it is based off of but did not remember enough about it to sit and watch this show and complain about what was changed and what did not happen in the comics. I was planning on writing a The Review about this but did not wanna sit here and do a recap. Instead I am gonna list the 10 Reasons Why You Should Have Watched The Boys. The only reason why I didn't give this a 10/10 is because towards the end of the series things started to lag a tiny bit and since I binged this it felt longer than it actually was.

This is about a group of people that want to take the superheroes of the world down because for the most part they ain't shit. Publicly they are amazing. They save people, avert disasters, make movies, and sponsor great causes. Privately they do drugs, rape folks, and cause hundreds of people to die for PR. As the series progresses it is clear that there are no actual good guys in this world. Just people who have better than others reasons to be assholes or not and victims. This show has a fish man committing sexual assault, a tiny man diving into a lady's vajayjay, a very religious hero that is all the way gay but sponsors pray the gay away programs, and a beloved hero that is jealous of a baby and the attention it gets. Its fucked up and brilliant.

The Review: Sleepover

Sleepover 6/10

Today I watched this movie called Sleepover with B&H in their successful mission to make me watch anything featuring Evan Peters. They made no mention of him being in this movie until he was sprung on me and I lost my mind. He is a kid that loves showing people a photo of him in a coma. But this is not about him. This is about a group of young girls getting away with vandalism, grand theft auto, and staying out past curfew. It is the last day of the 8th grade and Julie wants to have a sleepover. She invites three girls but one can't make it because fuck these nerds. She has a dance to go to. Julie invites this other girl like an afterthought. Julie's mom leaves her with her dad who spends the entire night installing a water filter while her brother who dropped out of college begs her for money. During the night the popular girl Staci who did not wanna come to the sleepover climbs into Julie's house after her boyfriend thinks that skipping the dance she is dressed for is not as fun as driving onto a lawn to suck face.

Sitting In The Aisle: Spider-Man Far From Home

Spider-Man Far From Home 10/10

This will be full of all of the spoilers. I fucking loved this movie. Spider-Man Far From Home managed to be better than the first Homecoming movie and anything I disliked about any characters was handled and fixed in this one. I mean, they did not have all that much to fix considering how much I liked it. This takes place after Endgame where Tony Stark died. If you are finding that out by reading this then that is totally on you, not me. Nick Fury and Maria Hill head to this town in Mexico where a storm with a face caused a bunch of destruction. Next thing you know the shit kicks up again and suddenly this globe headed dude shows up and tells them they want none of this and then...Whitney Houston. I shit you not. The theater lost it laughing. Back at Peter's school the school news made a video celebrating the Avengers that died by playing “I Will Always Love You” with some terrible photos.

The Review: Tag

Tag 5/10

I did not expect this movie to be as funny as it was or have such well done action sequences. Tag kept being suggested to me and I remember someone saying that it was like Hawkeye having his own solo film already in this. So I watched this and liked it. This is based off the true story of a group of friends who have been playing the game of tag for decades. They take this shit to brand new levels to tag one another. There are rules and it takes place only in May. They find out that the best player who has never been tagged is getting married soon and plans to never play the game again so they meet up to head their and get him before he can.

Sitting In The Aisle: Booksmart

Booksmart 8/10

My name is Dante and I am a 40 year old Black dude that really liked a movie about two White chicks wanting to party before graduating high school. By the way, full of random ass spoilers. A coworker told me that this movie Booksmart was funnier than Tropic Thunder and I told her to hold her horses because I fucking love that movie and the commentary makes it even better. This was funny and had some parts that made me crack up. I love Gigi. I want an entire movie with her just appearing in places unexpectedly. This is about two girls named Amy and Molly. They are the type of people that you roll your eyes at or sigh when they enter the room and the other students do. Amy has been out of the closet for a couple of years and her religious family is fine with it. They just don't want details. She plans to head to Botswana after school to make tampons for women in villages. Yeah. She has a crush on this skateboarding girl named Ryan whose voice I loved. Molly plans to go to Yale, get a great job, and a great career.

The Review: Tomb Raider

Tomb Raider 1/10

What the hell was this butt fest of a movie? Don't think I was sitting here hoping this movie would blow my mind with a great story and incredible action. But I did at least hope it would be fun and cheesy. Wasn't fun. Wasn't cheesy. It just existed. That is a good way to describe this. It just existed. Things happened on screen, people were hit (mostly Lara Croft), explosions happened, and it threatened the world with a sequel that I assure you will never happen. I am sure I said the same thing about the Tomb Raider film from back in the day but that was when Angelina Jolie had that boom boom pow. I won't even compare that and this movie because they were both ass. Just not fun shit that costs way more than they should've. I would have taken that 90 million bucks and invested in three seasons of the most epic Zelda series ever seen. So yeah. You may notice I'm not actually talking about the movie. That's cause it blew creepy clowns. Not all that much to say.