The Review: Brockmire

Brockmire 9/10

A few weeks back I started watching this show Brockmire on Hulu that originally aired on IFC with Sarah. I had never heard of it but knew who the stars Hank Azaria and Amanda Peet were and knew the face of Tyrel Jackson Williams. Just so folks know, I am not close to being a fan of baseball. It is fun to play but I do not understand watching it. So the idea of a show that is about an announcer, on paper, should be a show I avoid like the plague. But this turned out to be one of the funniest shows I've ever seen and am excited about the new season starting in a few weeks.

Gossip And Shit: 3/28/18

Rapper DMX got sentenced to one year in prison for tax evasion. He has been doing all kinds of shit since being let out like being drunk as shit after being released. After one year he will have three years of supervision. He's too old for that shit. He plead guilty to one count of 14 which would have sent him to prison for 44 years. He's 47 years old so let's just say that would have been life.

Stephen Belafonte wants Mel B to stop brainwashing their daughter. I want her to stop having this image that is decades old from keeping me awake. Look at Baby Spice back there trying...

Rosa Salazar of American Horror Story had a restraining order filed against her by her ex boyfriend who says she showed up to his house at midnight and screamed at him. She also threatened to say he hit her which made him call the cops. Good move, dude! She now has to stay 100 yards from him.

The Review: Bushwick

Bushwick 5/10

I wanted to like this movie Bushwick more than I did and I'll explain why I did not. This stars Dave Bautista as Stupe and Brittany Snow as Lucy. Lucy and her man arrive in Bushwick via subway and they notice how quiet and empty it is. Then a guy on fire runs into the station and her dude runs to see what is going on. He gets blown up and Lucy immediately races into the waiting arms of danger and gets shot at by a militia and almost sexually assaulted by some guys until Stupe beats one to death and helps her. The rest of the movie is them trying to find out why the city is on fire and people are rioting. They find out and I go “Maybe...but no. People are not that organized. Or secretive.”

The Review: The Outsider

The Outsider 5/10

"It's unheard of, however, for the yakuza to accept a white American. Stranger still that the film would call its lead the titular The Outsider, when the yakuza deliberately paint themselves an outsider force as a way to recruit new members." It's a fucking movie, Earth! Sorry. I read some reviews after watching The Outsider on Netflix and immediately regretted it. See, people do not like when certain races are in certain type of movies and they rage online about it. Not I. Him no care. If this was based off some previous shit then I could see people getting so mad but this ain't that. The role Jared Leto plays was written for a White dude from the start. Plus, people are shitting on Leto right now so it was a lose/lose situation.

Casting Slouch: Rebooting X-Men Franchise Part 1

Finally! After years and years of nonsense and back and forth the Marvel cinematic universe is in the hands of Disney. It cost $52 billion which sounds like a shit ton, because, well, it is, but think of the future bank that can be made by having these movies under one umbrella instead of in Fox's hands. Reports stated that Fox wanted to focus more on news and sports which are two things I do not give a damn about. This means that things like X-Men, Deadpool, and Fantastic Four can now get a proper movie. In case you've forgotten there have been four films made in three different ways.

This got me into some hopeful and nerdy ass thinking. Does this mean that we'll be able to get a decent X-Men movie? Yeah, I know some of you have liked them but to me they are ass garbage and I would love for them to reboot the series. Like, a complete reboot. I do not want a single person associated with the previous movies near these. I don't want to pretend that I have to know that this may be a different universe (thanks, Logan).

Gossip And Shit: 3/19/18

Steven Seagal is being accused of sexual assault and rape. Regina Simmons says that twenty five years ago at a fake wrap party he assaulted her. Another woman, Faviola Dadis, also accused him of sexual assault when she was 17. Apparently dude has been doing this shit for a long time with different women.

Cynthia Nixon aka Miranda from Sex And The City is running for governor of New York. She was my second favorite one on that show. Yes, I watched every single episode. Deal with it.

All signs point to Meek Mill being closer to getting released from prison and then in less than a year doing something to end up back. I know the rules!

The Review: Valerian And The City Of A Thousand Planets

Valerian And The City Of A Thousand Planets 2/10

I just finished watching Valerian And The City Of A Thousand Planets on Amazon. This movie should have been called And Then Something Happened because I'm not even sure how to describe this messy ass film. Things happen, people run, and then something happens and they have to explain stuff, then something happens, and they run and shoot at other things. It stars Dane DeHaan as Major Valerian and his partner Sergeant Laureline played by Cara Delevingne. He wants to marry her even though she has a record of all the women he has banged and there is some aggressive flirting on his part but it seems super forced. Meanwhile in space space space...

Gossip And Shit: 3/13/18

I know it has been a long ass time since I've done one of these but there is just too much nonsense happening and I felt like I could not keep up daily. So I won't try. I'll do these maybe once a week. Two if I'm feeling extra spicy nacho Bell Beefer with cheese. It is the return of Gossip And Shit!

Rapper Craig Mack passed away from congestive heart failure as reported by EMPD rapper Erick Sermon who was working on the former's latest album. Mack was 47 years old which is 80 in others races years. Seriously. My brother died of a heart attack at 32 so 47 seems miraculous to me. Black men making it to that age without major health issues is rare.

Julie Bowen of Modern Family fame is dealing with an ex husband that wants some of her long paper. She earns a reported $500,000 per episode of the show. He wants spousal support and joint/legal custody of their three kids. I have no idea what he does.

The Review: Jessica Jones Season 2

Jessica Jones Season Two 1/10

This will be full of spoilers so if you have not watched this season or do not even care about spoilers then keep on reading. This is going to be a combination of The Review, You Had One Job, and 10 Reasons because I can't just write a review of this without it being full of complaints about this alleged hero series. Let me state that I loved the first season (click here to check that review out) and did not expect to. It did everything right and was super compelling. This second season is nothing like the first one in any way. Full disclosure: I am gonna shit all over this show. You may have watched this and loved it. You're allowed to do that, humans.

The Review: Road House

Road House 8/10

If I had seen Road House as a child chances are I would have tried to get into shape. The problem is that movies I grew up watching had buff ass dudes but they didn't get the girl. They just beat folks up. Not in this movie though. He gets the girl and even a car that blinks. I am getting way too ahead of myself. Robes settled on this for our viewing pleasure. I also dare you to make me put a spoiler warning for a movie that is damn near 30 years old! Go ahead. You know what I used to do to guys like you in prison?

The Review: Black Mirror S4E2 "Arkangel"

Black Mirror Arkangel 8/10

This will have spoilers. Black Mirror is known for messing with my brain so much that I started spreading out when I watch episodes. It is not a binge show which most folks learn too late. I finally finished watching the episode titled Arkangel last night and was glad that I didn't feel greasy afterward. This episode starts with this mom named Marie played by Rosemarie DeWitt giving birth in a hospital. There are some complications for a moment but then her daughter is all fine. Later her daughter is a toddler and one day at the park she turns her back and her daughter is gone. She freaks the fuck out and eventually her daughter, Sara, is found. After this Marie is like “Never again shall I not know where my daughter is!” But she takes this shit to a whole 'nother level.

Altered Carbon: Book Versus The Series

I recently watched the Netflix series Altered Carbon and a few days ago read the first book in the series of three. While reading the book there were certain parts that confused the hell out of me. When I read books I attach actors to the characters. This helps with reading quickly for me which is funny because when I write my own stories I never describe someone except for maybe what they are wearing. All these years later and no one but me even knows what Johnny Panic looks like. Other than how certain characters in Altered Carbon looked like and their attitudes being changed there are some characters completely left out, some combined, others with different sexes, and most made up entirely for the show.

I am going to try and think of some of the biggest differences between the book and the series. This isn't going to be a list of complaints, just things that would have been nice to know before reading so I didn't struggle so much trying to understand what was going on. I liked the first book though it dragged a bit at certain times and I liked the series for what it was. But I do think that if I had read the book first I would not have enjoyed the show nearly as much. This will be full of spoilers. Like...super full.