You Had One Job: Spiderman In The Avengers

This is me bitching about something that is completely out of my hands. And I'm drunk. So there has been a lot of talk about Sony finally releasing the rights to the Spiderman (spell if however the fuck you want) franchise and the character appearing in an Avenger film in the future. This needs to happen. Why? Because Spiderman is in the fucking Avengers, that's why! As far as I know, here is why Sony is cockblocking the release of the character.

Sony owns the rights to the guy. If they don't use it every three years or so they lose the rights and Marvel gets it back. They don't want that to happen so they are fine with putting out shitty movies like those last two. I can't believe that anyone watched those and enjoyed them, but whatever. Some people loved The Hangover. Sony/TheWalt Disney Company have lost characters before like Daredevil which is why there will be a series coming out on Netflix soon that I am excited about. They have also lost the use of Ghost Rider which I hope gets a reboot because that is a character that got me into comics in the first place.

Theater Whore: The Interview

The Interview 8/10

The fact that this movie was being treated the way it had with threats and such is hilarious after watching this. The Interview is funny as fuck. This is one of those movies like Stepbrothers or Tropic Thunder where you have to watch it a few times because you can easily miss funny moments because so many of them happen. Once you get past all the drama and shit involved with this movie just being released it makes it even funnier.

This is about James Franco as an entertainment show host named Dave Skylark. If you've seen Extra, Access Hollywood, or Entertainment Tonight you'll know what kinda show it is. His producer Aaron Rapoport played by Seth Rogen is confronted by a former classmate that points out that he works on 60 Minutes so what he does is more important. After being conflicted over his feelings about this, Dave brings him the story of Kim Jong-un played by Randall Park being a fan and decide to try and get an interview with him.

Babbling Old Man: An American Werewolf In London

I decided to watch An American Werewolf In London (1981). I had not seen this movie since I was a little kid an watching it now I realize why I'm so fucked up. This is about two guys traveling around in Britain which means bad things are gonna happen because traveling is bad. David played by David Naughton and Jack played by Griffin Dunne. They end up in a small town that is obviously evil and start asking too many questions.

They head out and go off the path after being told to stay on it multiple damned times. Jack ends up mauled and then David is but saved by the creepy towns people but he now has the curse of the wolf. David ends up in the hospital and his dead friend comes back and tells him to kill himself so that he can go to the other side. David is like “I'm fucking a hot nurse now, so, no!” David ends up turning into a werewolf and eating the shit out of random, polite people in London.

Batman Vs. Ghost Rider Fake Film Trailer

I whipped together this fake trailer starring Batman and Ghost Rider. I used Windows and Audacity to edit it which is a nightmare. Not making excuses for if it sucks. I just know that with better software I could kick more ass. I have AVID experience so being handcuffed with cheapness is difficult. Either way, I think this came out better than I expected considering this is my first time doing this. I'll be posting the Youtube version but if that get yanked down CLICK HERE for another option.

Theater Whore: The Bababook

Bababook 9/10

Holy shit. I wish I'd waited a few days before writing my Top 12 movies of the year. Before I even get started let me say that there will be spoilers in this review of Bababook. Cam and I went to check this out at the Sundance Theater which is only $5 on Tuesdays and this is one of the creepiest movies I've ever seen. This movie is super fucked up. Everything that a human can do to make you freak the fuck out happens in this movie. And it was amazing!

This is the story of a mother named Amelia. It starts off with her having a dream of a car accident before being awakened by her son, Sam. He had a bad dream and wants her to read a story. She reads one to him a coupe of times before he falls asleep. The next night he pulls a book off the shelf called Mister Bababook. As soon as she starts reading it I was like “You should put that down!” She doesn't and he freaks right the fuck out while she tries to calm him down.

Stuff You Should Have Watched In 2014

This was a surprisingly good year for television. I used to watch a ton of TV but over the years I got sick of shows either being canceled too soon, dragging on for too long, or being just like every other show on television. Seriously. I can only watch so many shows about a detective that has a special ability/is a raging asshole to everyone. I decided to write a little bit about some of the shows this year that got me super excited and had me dying to see the next episode like Game of Thrones of course though they fumbled about two episodes.

There were some shows I was very disappointed in like The Strain. They really fucked that show up with terrible acting, writing, and effects. I wanted that show to be so good. I started watching The Affair and three episodes in I hate everyone involved. I'll try but its hard. Okay. On to the good stuff!

I found out about this BBC/PBS show The Escape Artist months after it debuted from Cam. Its a BBC series so that means it only has three episodes which it turns out is a god thing. One hour episodes with so few episodes means that every single one has to be important. It stars David Tennant as a barrister that does his job defending people even when it is shady as hell. The first episode does a great job of establishing him as a a character and by the end I was like “Oh, no!” He defends a guy named Liam Foyle played by Toby Kobbell (who plays Doctor Doom in the upcoming Fantastic Four movie) and I will leave it at that. I so don't want to spoil this show for anyone that didn't see it. Every minute and detail of this show is important and all the acting is great. I strongly suggest you check this out...if you can find it. I watched it on Amazon.

Top 12 Best Films of 2014

As bad of a year as it was for movies (click here to check out my Top 12 Worse Films Of 2014) there were way more good movies than I thought there'd be. Some I didn't expect much from and others came out of nowhere to blow my mind. Here is my list of the Top 12 Best Films Of 2014.

Captain America: The Winter Soldier (9/10)

This movie was fucking awesome. The first film was better than it had any right to be and this was even better than the first. If you had told me years ago that out of all of the Marvel films that Captain America would be the best one I never would've believed you. This movie made me cheer in the theater which is rare. No, its not. I'm ghetto as fuck.

Top 12 Worse Films Of 2014

This was such a strange year for movies. For as many great ones that came out there were quite a few that were just horrible. I tried my best to shrink this down to a top 10 but then I checked my reviews and it was impossible. There were far too many stinkers. Hell, this could've been a top 20 but I went back and read my reviews and picked the ones that absolutely stank. So here are the Top 12 Worse Films Of 2014!

Divergent (2/10)

Looking back I was generous when I gave this a score of 2 out of 10. The sequel is coming out soon and I can't wait to pretend it isn't happening. This is another of many movies that tricked girls into thinking that being strong means running around scared and being saved by cute boys.

Quote from review. “Oh, I gotta point out the running. You know that run you do when the microwave beeps when food is done? Its not quite a run, its definitely not a sprint, but it isn't exactly slow. Its more of a saunter. She saunters away from bullets.”

Nothing But Gossip December 17th 2014

In light of the recent hacks to Sony the upcoming movie The Interview starring James Franco and Seth Rogen will not be playing in theaters due to attacks on theaters playing the film. Score one for the bad guys!

Here is a statement from Sony. “In light of the decision by the majority of our exhibitors not to show the film The Interview, we have decided not to move forward with the planned December 25 theatrical release. We are deeply saddened at this brazen effort to suppress the distribution of a movie, and in the process do damage to our company, our employees, and the American public. We stand by our filmmakers and their right to free expression and are extremely disappointed by this outcome.”

That last line is obviously not true.

Mama June and Sugar Bear were offered $1 million to make a sex tape. There aren't enough knives in the world for my eyes if I got a gander at that woman nude. “It ain't happening, not even for a zillion dollars” she said.

Lindsay Lohan has said that she will never live in Los Angeles again. Citizens of this great place, we shall all rejoice!

Ross Radio Quickie Show 18

A few weeks ago while watching Sonic Highways a part of the focus was on a music style called Go-Go. While I know these songs I did not know that this style of music was called that. I found a few of my favorite songs that fit this genre. Junk Yard Band Loose Booty, Rare Essence Band Hey Buddy Buddy, DJ Flexx The Water Dance, E.U. (Experience Unlimited) Da Butt, and Chuck Brown and the Soul Searchers Bustin' Loose. Click here for this and past Ross Radio Quickie Shows.

Theater Whore: Big Hero 6

Big Hero 6 (film) 7/10

I finally decided to see the movie Big Hero 6. I've mentioned before how it takes a lot for me to check out an animated (CGI) film these days. There has to be something special for me to even give it a try. Well, I am almost out of things to watch at the moment and needed a fix after catching up on The Flash, AHS Freakshow, and Constantine. So this movie it is!

This is about a kid named Hiro that likes to make robots fight. He ends up enrolling in his older brothers school. He meets his brothers weird friends who will eventually join his team. Hiro makes a cool project that involves millions of tiny robots that can build whatever you imagine. After the exhibition Hiro's brother is killed in an explosion along with his teacher.

Theater Whore: Boxtrolls

Boxtrolls 4/10

I got to check out the movie called Boxtrolls. Its about a boy that lives with a bunch of boxtrolls underground as they hide from a guy that collects and kills boxtrolls in the hopes of one day joining a cheese eating society even though he is allergic to cheese. 

The story is pretty predictable and within the first 15-20 minutes I knew where it was headed. While I admire the fact that it was handmade and the voices used, the story wasn't fun. I just sat watching it happen. I'm sure kids would like it because things are always happening, but there is no depth to this.

Click here for previous Theater Whore.

You Had One Job: Terminator Genisys

What do you do when Channing Tatum is busy, Taylor Kitsch is box office poison, Sam Worthington can't be found, Ryan Reynolds costs too much, Bradley Cooper is too big, and Paul Bettany won't return your phone calls? You call in Jai Courtney: The Actor That Wasn't There! I watched the new trailer for the upcoming movie...thing...shit called Terminator Genisys. I hate that I have to make sure that I am spelling a wrong word correctly.

I'm gonna go out on a limb and just say this movie sucks. Like the Terminator I have traveled through time. Summer 2015 to be exact. This movie makes some money, but ultimately sucks all the balls. There will not be a dry ball in the house. I mentioned in a previous post about the Suicide Squad how Jai Courtney ruins things. This guy keeps getting roles because he looks cool but, lord, when this man has to do talking or heavens forbid acting he stinks up the joints.

DVDiculous: How To Train Your Dragon 2

I finally got to see How To Train Your Dragon 2 and I'll be damned if I didn't like it more than the first first. Most times they make sequels to kids films it is an obvious cash grab and they tend to just do more of what the first film did but badly. That wasn't the case with this one. This had better animation, a better story, and an even more tragic ending than the first one and if you saw the first one you're probably asking “How is that even possible!”

This takes place five years after the first film so all the kids are a bit older and the dragons are integrated into their land, Berk. Hiccup has recovered from having his leg lost at the end of the first film and is riding Toothless around finding new lands to create a map and not wanting to rule the land.

Babbling Old Man: Chinatown

Koko and I checked out the movie Chinatown. Yeah. Took me long enough, huh? It only came out in 1974. It is directed by Roman Polanski and stars Jack Nicholson as a private investigator named Jake Gittes. This movie is incredible and I am mad that it took me this long to see it. This is one of those mysteries where I thought I figured it all out about three times before the ending and was wrong each damned time.

Star Wars Is Still New To Me

My name is Dante and I grew up not watching Star Wars. That's it. Let the hate wash over you. I didn't hate it or anything. I just didn't watch it the same way I didn't watch many of the films many did like Sixteen Candles and Dirty Dancing. I grew up on a steady diet of rated R and B-movies. Star Wars was a thing that I knew existed and had some vague idea of what it was about. A guy was in space and had robot friends, a giant dog, and fought this evil guy that could movie things with his mind. I even had an R2D2 eraser that I permanently borrowed from someone. What a stupid idea. Fancy eraser. You never want to use it!

One day I finally got to watch the original Star Wars films but it was after watching the newer ones. That's right. I am the guy that watched the films in order which it turns out is something that every fan of Star Wars says you should never do.

Theater Whore: The Skeleton Twins

The Skeleton Twins 7/10

I checked this movie The Skeleton Twins out without any really strange need to. Bill Hader and Kristen Wiig are two of my favorite people from SNL but for some reason the trailers for this never made me really want to see this. And I regret not seeing this sooner because this was a good film. It is heavier than I was expecting it to be but each of them were able to to pull it far better than I was giving them credit for.

All Grown An' Shit 6

Its time to be a dirty old man. I don't want to be but the fact that I'm old and a man kinda makes me lean towards it. I saw an interview on TMZ with one of the chicks on this All Grown An' Shit and I wondered what she had been up to and thought “Hmm. She turned out cuter than I thought.” Because I'm an asshole. And because I am paying for the sins of the young men of the world that judge girls when they are young who turn out hot.

Abigail Breslin 18 (Little Miss Sunshine)

This is who I was talking about up there. I thought that she would turn into this weird looking woman like some famous people do. But she didn't. She is a pretty young girl and doesn't seem to be heading down a stupid path.

You Had One Job: Suicide Squad Cast Announced

Warner Bros. has released the cast for the upcoming Suicide Squad movie in 2016. I was really excited about this movie...until I saw the cast. Now, there are some actors that while I enjoy do not think they should be in this movie. I am not super emotionally invested in this team. I had a few comics when I was younger and the team rotates its members. Even so, there is one on this version of the team I've never heard of and one that while I've heard of would never commit to film. Can't they just make a live action version of the animated film? Shark isn't even in this. 

Jared Leto as Joker

I wrote a blog about who I think could play Joker of Leto hadn't signed on (click here for that). I have no problem with him playing Joker. Hopefully he does his own version and doesn't try and imitate Heath Ledger's version. 

DVDiculous: The Grand Budapest Hotel

Koko and I checked out this movie The Grand Budapest Hotel. I'd wanted to see it a while back and for whatever reason just never got around to it. It is directed by Wes Anderson and if you like his stuff chances are you'll love this. Personally, this was close to being my favorite film by him.

It is a very strange story told by a man who is telling a story of what he was told by another man whose tale is really about another man. Yeah, you try and make sense of this crazy ass movie. This is the story of a young bell boy played by Tony Revolori that is taught how to do his job properly at the hotel by a man played by Ralph Fiennes that sleeps with older ladies that come and stay at the hotel. One of them passes away and he races to be at her funeral.