The Review: Soul

Soul 5/10

A lot of people have been raving about this movie Soul and how good it made them feel. I was not a big fan of the movie. It looked nice. Had good music. But I wasn't moved by the story whatsoever. This music teacher named Joe Gardner has dreams of being a great musician for a living. He is offered a teaching job but gets a great gig playing piano and ends up falling into a manhole and dying. I guess. I'm not quite sure honestly. Like, he isn't bruised or anything but is on an escalator to the Great Beyond and hops off saying he has to get back for this performance. Wait. He's in a coma. That's fucked up that he is moving on from a coma. He meets these soul counselors and he pretends to be an instructor and gets the task of finding a “spark” for someone named 22. 22 has chased away some of the greatest people in history with her behavior.

Casting Slouch: Fantastic Four

Marvel Studios now has control of the next Fantastic Four movie and I am excited about this. It is going to be directed by Jon Watts who directed the latest Spider-Man movies which have both been incredible. I have seen every movie made about these characters and sadly (and oddly) the one that came closest to feeling sincere to the characters was the oldest Roger Corman film made in 1994. Its all over the internet if you wanna watch it. Its hilarious. With the movies made in 2005 and 2007 they didn't for a moment feel like a team let alone a family. The 2015 I liked though it had a lot of issues had the same problem. They have always been portrayed as people that wouldn't want to be around one another let alone work together.

I would want these movies to focus on their relationships first and their powers second. I mean their relationship with their main villain Doctor Doom as well. No rush to have him in a mask immediately. I am gonna write about each of these characters and how I would have them portrayed in the new films. This is not going to start off already in the MCU because it would make no sense considering all the shit that has happened and they haven't been seen. I also don't want them to be a brand new team. Spider-Man spared us seeing Uncle Ben shot for the tenth time and we don't need to see these people shoot off into space and get radiated. You will also notice I want people in their damn 30's.

The Review: Raised By Wolves

Raised By Wolves 9/10

Spoilers! How would I even begin to try and explain what Raised By Wolves is? I started watching it months ago with CK and stopped for a few weeks thinking I was almost done. It was only four episodes. I don't mean that in a bad way. The show isn't slow. Its methodical and if you are looking for constant action this is not for you. This is about these two androids named Mother and Father that land on a planet called Kepler-22b because humans have fucked up the planet fighting over religion. They have a batch of kids that Mother has to birth so that they can start the race all over again. As atheists. That's the most important part. So they start raising all these kids and one ends up falling in a hole and the rest start dying mysteriously except for one of them. I was like “This lady robot is killing the fuck out these kids!”

The Review: The Mandalorian Season 2

The Mandalorian Season Two 10/10

I fucking love this show. This will be full of random spoilers. By now everyone knows that I did not grow up as a fan of Star Wars (click here for my first season review full of links) and just within the last month of so watched the latest of the newer films. I know little random things about the universe from YouTube videos that explain stuff which came in helpful for this season since it touches on a lot of stuff that comes from animated shows I didn't watch. I'm kind of glad because while watching this show I didn't have any preconceived ideas of what I thought should or even could happen so everything was a surprise to me.

The Review: Wonder Woman 1984

Wonder Woman 1984 (0/10)

Operation Wolf was not out in 1984! Just had to get that out of the way. This is gonna be full of spoilers but not really since the trailer shows everything that is supposed to be cool or wow you. There is nothing good about this Wonder Woman 1984 movie. There was nothing that gave me goosebumps. There was nothing that made me laugh or feel anything. This movie was so not for me and I'm a huge fan of Wonder Woman as a character. I had the same problem with this movie when I first saw the trailer that I did with the first movie (click here for that review) in that since they both take place in the past I already know that no matter what happens she will be fine.

The Review: Underwater (2020)

Underwater 1/10

What the fuck was this? They didn't even bother to try and make a title. Today I watched this movie called Underwater. I heard of it earlier this year and watched the trailer but didn't really have a desire to watch it. But I was in between working on Perler beads so I figured I would check this out. It was trash. What makes me dislike this more than usual is the fact that by looking at it you can tell that actual effort was put into this. The special effects look great. The water, the explosions, and set. The way the suits look. All great. But the story is 99 Cent Store toilet paper thin. The characters have zero development and they try to squeeze some in as they are running from water and these sea creatures. They were drilling underwater and woke up some ancient shit. When the movie was ending I was like “Is this for real?” Then I saw how much it made compared to how much it cost and nodded because it made perfect sense. This movie wasn't scary. There was no suspense. Everyone was the character that dies in a movie. 2020 has been a shit year for movies.

Kristen Stewart as Norah Price

Vincent Cassel as W. Lucien

Mamoudou Athie as Rodrigo Nagenda

T.J. Miller as Paul Abel

John Gallagher Jr. as Liam Smith

Jessica Henwick as Emily Haversham

Gunner Wright as Lee Miller

Click here for previous The Review.

The Review: Lovecraft Country Season 1

Lovecraft Country 9/10

Full of spoilers! After months of not watching and some sad ass attempts at trying to recap this series episode by episode I have finally finished Lovecraft Country. This is one of the best series I have ever watched. I'm not even worried about hyping it too much because if you don't like this show something is wrong with you. Yeah. I said it. If you can't get into a show that has magic, time travel, ghosts, history lessons, monsters, science, and teaching you how not to be a racist asshole then I don't even wanna talk to you. Matter of fact, get out my face! This show was so damned good. So why didn't I give it a 10/10? I'll get to that.

Documentality: Murder On Middle Beach

Murder On Middle Beach 8/10

Spoilers. I guess. Over the last few days I have watched this four episode docu-series called Murder On Middle Beach. I don't watch much crime stuff but I do tend to get caught up in the wave of a popular one like Tiger King or Wild Wild Country. This one I haven't heard many people talking about and am waiting for folks to catch up so we can discuss it. Also, while watching anything real life crime related I will point my accusatory finger at anyone. At different points I had three main suspects. Was I right? Likely not. No one knows. That's the kicker of this whole thing. Watching these also makes me realize how few family photos in my own family exist and the fact that there are zero family videos.

Dante Watches Crawlspace (1972)

Crawlspace 5/10

I watched this crazy ass movie called Crawlspace that was made in 1972. It is about this old couple that find a dude living in their walls and decide to take care of him...until they don't...then they do again. I talked way too much shit while watching this movie. 

Tom Happer as Richard Roy Atlee

Arthur Kennedy as Albert Graves

Teresa Wright as Alice Graves

Eugene Roche as Sheriff Emil Birge

Matthew Cowles as Dave Freeman

Click here for previous Dante Watches.

The Review: London Mitchell's Christmas

London Mitchell's Christmas 0/10

Next on the list of holiday movies was this hot pile of ass called London Mitchell's Christmas. This movie gave me a headache and made me mad. Even describing the movie to folks gives me a headache. It was so fucking bad. One good thing was that the cameras were better than the ones in A Christmas To Remember. That's about it. So this is about an asshole that gets prostate cancer and everyone he treats like shit feels bad for him. He is dating a woman and as soon as she walks through the door he shoves vodka down her throat so he can tell her they need to chill and breakup. Why? Because he fucking someone else.

The Review: A Christmas To Remember

A Christmas To Remember 2/10

Camille called me yesterday because she had found some Christmas gold. She watches holiday movies every year and found I'll Be Homeless For Christmas a couple of years ago and it was one of the worst/best movies I had ever seen in my life. I seriously hurt from laughing. This was not one of those movies but was funny for all the wrong reasons. I will try and describe the plot for this batch of nonsense. If you wanna see what this movie looks like do a Google image search and see how few images it has and the ones that exist are mad terrible. Also, if you ever wanna know if a movie is bad look at the poster. Nothing but stills from the film cropped in.

A mother who has a bunch of terrible kids and a father who has his own terrible kids plan to get engaged. The mother's daughter and the father's son call their siblings and lie saying their respective parents are sick and dying and they all need to come home. The kids are all fucked up in different ways. Some are gay and hiding it and get outed by a child. One daughter is a stripper in an abusive relationship and has kids. Another has a White boyfriend she hides. Another used to be on drugs and lost his family. The rest are just generally worthless and uninteresting. So they get home and the families hate one another for whatever reason.

The Review: Star Wars The Rise Of Skywalker

The Rise Of Skywalker 2/10

I quickly realized I could not write this like a normal review and chose to just put my immediate thoughts down while watching. 

Kylo Ren flies his ship like a damn lunatic.

They got jars of Snokes. Like a whole gang of the damn things.

Holy crap Palpatine got a lot of big ass ships. Why not just send them all out and start wrecking shit right now? What's the hold up?

Light speed jumping? I don't know shit about shit but that shit seems ridiculous. Have any other Star Wars movies tried that nonsense? It looks like what was done for a gag in Guardians Of The Galaxy 2.

There is a spy with the bad guys. Bet its that redheaded dude from Ex Machina.

The Review: Star Wars The Force Awakens

Star Wars The Force Awakens 7/10

I liked this movie. Even though I have about eight Star Wars shirts and have made countless images of myself using stuff from the films I did not grow up watching the movies. I waited so long that I watched them in actual order and did not understand why people were such fans after watching Episodes 1-3. I got it a bit more after watching 4-6 but not seeing these as a kid definitely made it harder for me to get wrapped up in. I watched Rogue One and was confused there was no Kylo Ren. Then I watched The Last Jedi and was confused as to why Kylo was already jacked up. Turns out I watched them out of damn order again. So tonight I decided to watch The Force Awakens and either tonight or tomorrow will watch The Rise Of Skywalker and then I'll be done. I watch The Mandalorian so don't come at me with that crazy talk and watch a lot of videos online explaining lore from books, comics, and series. I'm not totally lost when it comes to this stuff. I watch reviews for the films and all I get from fans is that they hate things or love things and hate people who hate what they love. It's weird.

Dante Watches A Taste Of Evil

A Taste Of Evil 8/10

I liked this movie was more than I thought I would. This is about a girl that gets attacked, ends up in a Swiss hospital, comes back home, and shit gets bananas. Made for TV in 1971 but still good right now. The perfect amount of nonsense.

Barbara Stanwyck as Miriam Jennings

Barbara Parkins as Susan Wilcox

Roddy McDowall as Dr. Michael Lomas

William Windom as Harold Jennings

Arthur O'Connell as John

Dawn Frame as Young Susan

Click here for previous Dante Watches.

The Review: Justice League Dark Apokolips War

 

Justice League Dark Apokolips War 5/10

Over the years I've watched a lot of animated DC movies. They used to make the best ones and were far better than the Marvel ones. Over time these movies changed the art style and made stories that actually connected to one another. This one, Justice League Dark: Apokolips War, was an okay movie. This could have been an entire season of a show but they squeezed a lot of characters and stories into ninety minutes so all of it felt very rushed. Basically Superman gets a head sup that Darkseid is planning on taking over Earth and since they have a warning they should attack him first. They don't know that someone is spying on them so Darkseid is watching all of this like “We'll see about that, bitch.” The entire Justice League heads out and get slaughtered immediately by these Parademons that are crossbred with Doomsday. How? Don't know. But imaging flying Doomsday's. They are beaten pretty easily and the ones that aren't killed are in hiding or enslaved by Darkseid.

The Review: Inhumans Season 1

Inhumans 0/10

Why does Black Bolt make Zoolander face? I almost gave this series a negative number. Everyone that worked on this show should wipe it off their credits because I don't think it could help them in any way. I remembered that this was a show that existed and decided to watch. I was gonna do the first two episodes at first but then decided that if I was gonna be fair to it I needed to complete it. That means I wasted over seven hours of my life watching this. Thankfully I was doing other things while it was on otherwise I actually would've stopped sooner. This show doesn't give a fuck. Wanna know how I know this show doesn't give a fuck? Look at the credits.

That is some shit a child came up with. I hope. Speaking of hope, mine were high when I first heard this was gonna be a movie. That got scrapped and was gonna be attached to Agents of Shield which I stopped watching because everyone was too attractive. That issue appears in this as well but not as badly. I am gonna go through all the main characters and try to explain the story lines they had or lack of. This is what I know about Inhumans. I am a fan of Black Bolt. He's fucking cool. I had an Inhumans shirt back in the day. I know about the powers of the rest of the royal family the team consist of but don't really care all that much. I don't know a ton about the comics and have a very general knowledge of them. This helps to keep me from comparing this show to the comic and complaining about what they got wrong. I mean, I still will with what I know. But for the most part I was able to watch this and not connect it to the comic.

Dante Watches Willie Dynamite

Willie Dynamite 6/10

This movie was better than it should've been. This angry ass pimp wants to run the city and doesn't wanna be part of the pimp union that is being formed. This movie had everything. Lamb skin suits. Knife fights. Mental abuse. And is that ALF, the alien life form? No. It's just a terrible wig the bottom girl is wearing. This was close to being a 7/10.

Roscoe Orman as William Andrew "Willie Dynamite" Short

Diana Sands as Cora

Thalmus Rasulala as Daniels

Joyce Walker as Pashen

Norma Donaldson as Honey

Roger Robinson as Bell

Albert Hall as Pointer

George Murdock as Celli

Click here for previous Dante Watches.

The Review: Glass

 

Glass 0/10

Full of spoilers. “This dialogue is garbage!” That is what I said out loud while watching Glass. I liked Unbreakable a lot. I enjoyed Split and was happy that they were tied together. I saw the trailer for this last year and kinda cringed because they were such different movies and characters that I wasn't sure if they would work together. Turns out they didn't. At all. You got one character that barely talks, another in a coma, and another with a bunch of personalities that wears pretty thin pretty quickly. So David Dunn is out fighting crime and searching for Kevin aka the Horde. David beats up so teens that shoot prank videos and with the help of his son tracks down Kevin who has some young girls captured. They fight. It is pretty wack honestly. They tussle. Its not a fucking fight. They tussle and get caught by some dudes and taken to a hospital where a lady doctor named Ellie Staple tries to convince them that they aren't special at all.

Dante Watches Black Fist

 Black Fist 1/10

I was so bummed out that this movie sucked. I was hoping that this would be about this Black dude just whipping all the asses. Instead it was a guy that barely won every fight he was in. I didn't know who the hell his wife actually was or if he had some extra girls on the side. This was just awful. I still talked a lot of trash.

Click here for previous Dante Watches.

Dante Watches Humanoids Monsters Of The Deep

Humanoids From The Deep 8/10

 

I watched this crazy ass movie last night and laughed and shouted at people who can't hear me cause they're in a movie made when I was 1 years old. This movie had everything. Racist fishermen, swamp monsters looking for human ass, gore, psychic babies, unnecessary explosions, a banjo band. And is that Lorne Greene? No. Its Vic Morrow playing a mumbling sheriff!

Doug McClure as Jim Hill

Ann Turkel as Dr. Susan Drake

Vic Morrow as Hank Slattery

Cindy Weintraub as Carol Hill

Anthony Pena as Johnny Eagle

Denise Galik as Linda Beale

Lynn Schiller as Peggy Larson

Meegan King as Jerry Potter

Breck Costin as Tommy Hill

Click here for previous Dante Watches.

The Review: The Boys S2E8

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The Review: Still Life (2006)

 

Still Life 7/10

Did y'all know that Laemmle be releasing movies online? I didn't. Never even thought to look. Last week Camille mentioned to me that a film called Still Life was available to stream there and that we should watch it. We had seen the directors previous film Ash If Purest White and loved that movie so I was for sure down to watch this one. I knew nothing about it and didn't care. This is how I used to watch movies with her back in the day meaning every year but this one so it was a nice flashback feeling. It is actually kind of difficult for me to explain what this movie was about mostly because I have no idea about what is going on in Fengjie, China. Hell, I don't even know what's going on in North Hollywood. This movie was made in 2006, released here for a moment in 2008, and then re-released in 2016.

The Review: Unstoppable

 

Unstoppable 8/10

This movie should not have been as good as it was. Very basic story of a runaway train and two men trying to stop it. Tony Scott directed it and that man had the ability to make brushing your teeth look action packed. An idiot accidentally sets a train loose on the world and it is full of chemicals that will just ruin a lot of lives and a dude about to retire soon and a new guy that seems over it on his first damn day. Of course later you find out more about each guy while on a collision course that becomes a train chase. This movie had the back of my knees sweating with tension.

The Review: Ajin Demi Human

 

Ajin Demi-Human 5/10

I heard about this while watching Corridor Digital after a guest talked about how wasted of an opportunity that move The Old Guard had with the fact that the characters could not die. I ended up watching both seasons of this in two days. Not that it was that damned good but the episodes were short and it was a very watchable show. There is this kid named Kei Nagai that gets hit by a truck and comes back to life. How? There are these things called Ajin and people are terrified of them and the governments all over want to study them for all kinda reasons. The kid ends up getting captured and tortured before escaping and running with then away from this extremist dude named Satou who is also a Ajin who just wants to treat everything like a game instead of fighting for Ajin rights like he pretends. This could have been a movie or two. I think watch the first and last three episodes of each season will give you enough information regarding this series. They tease a third season but I'm good.

Click here for previous the Review.

The Review: The Boys S2E7

 

"Butcher, Baker, Candlestick Maker"

Another crazy ass episode with a lot of stuff happening. I would have been screwed if I tried to cover this whole season with one post when it finished. This starts with a guy that worships the Supes. He wakes up, goes on walks, watches TV, and he is just filled with nothing but propaganda about how it is up to people to stop super terrorists. One day at the store he sees a guy and thinks he saw light in his eyes. He builds up the courage and pulls a gun on the guy asking if he is a super terrorist and if he is bullet proof. He shoots the guy in the face killing him. Meanwhile Homelander and Stormfront are at a rally saying they need more Supes to fight for America. Stormfront sees her grand-daughter and gets a sad face. Homelander is like “Lemme show ya somethin'!” I was like “Aw, fuck.” They end up heading to Becca's place where he introduces Stormfront as his new girlfriend and he wants her to be friends with his son Ryan. Becca knows that this can not end well in any way.

The Review: Godzilla King Of Monsters

 Godzilla King Of The Monsters 1/10

This film was trash! There. You can stop reading now. Godzilla: King Of The Monsters had me hype as hell when that trailer came out last year. I didn't rush to see it but just watched it on HBO and my lord. What a boring, strange mess. I liked the first Godzilla movie back in 2014 but thought the human parts were boring. Well, it was like they decided that the best decision with this one was to take that and multiply it by twenty. There are zero interesting characters in this movie. Not even the monsters. I found myself squinting a lot to fully see the monsters.

The Review: Birds Of Prey

 

Birds Of Prey 2/10

This was a Netflix movie. I just finished watching Birds of Prey aka Birds of Prey (and the Fantabulous Emancipation of One Harley Quinn). I don't have a whole lot to say about this even though when I don't like a movie my reviews tend to be longer. This movie is about Harley Quinn trying to survive because everyone now knows she and Joker are no longer together so they want to kill her. There is also a little girl being tracked down because she stole a diamond that belongs to Huntress' family and worth a lot. They also need the kid to shit out the diamond. I laughed at how bad the fights looked where people were sent flipping and flying from a punch or kick. The music was trash. I hated every song in this. The writing, particularly for the little girl, was distractedly bad. The characters are so far removed from their comic book and/or cartoon versions that this could have just been called something else. How you gonna introduce four important ass characters in one movie shoehorned into what is a Harley Quinn film? I have zero desire to see a movie with any of these characters again and I hope that in the new Suicide Squad film this is not mentioned. This was a long shiny music video.

Margot Robbie as Harleen Quinzel/Harley Quinn

Mary Elizabeth Winstead as Helena Bertinelli/The Huntress

Jurnee Smollett-Bell as Dinah Lance/Black Canary

Chris Messina as Victor Zsasz

Ella Jay Basco as Cassandra Cain

Ali Wong as Ellen Yee

Ewan McGregor as Roman Sionis/Black Mask

Click here for previous The Review.

Dante Watches Night Of The Demons

 Night Of The Demons 6/10

I watched this crazy ass movie where a bunch of “teens” go to a party that they were invited to by someone no one seems to like. This movie was actually good. I talked a lot of nonsense while watching and laughed my ass off. This movie has everything. Pervy brothers, sexual harassment, synth music, demons, Coors Light, coffin sex. And is that JB Smoove? No. It's Rodger, the hero we all deserve!

Cathy Podewell as Judy

Amelia Kinkade as Angela Franklin

William Gallo as Sal Romero

Alvin Alexis as Rodger

Linnea Quigley as Suzanne

Lance Fenton as Jay Jansen

Hal Havins as Stooge

Allison Barron as Helen

Philip Tanzini as Max

Jill Terashita as Frannie

Click here for previous Dante Watches.

The Review: The Boys S2E6

 

"The Bloody Doors Off"

This episode was full of so much information and gives some backstory to characters we have heard of and ones we thought we knew. I need to mention that this episode jumps back and forth with time so trying to write this in order ain't gonna happen. Frenchie is shown with his old crew eight years ago doing drugs. He is dating a guy and the lady we've met before. He gets caught by Mallory because he is good at stealing and mixing chemicals that are effective even against Supes. She says she will stop him and his friends from going to prison if he helps. He is skeptical but the shit works. She, Mother's Milk, and Butcher blackmail Lamplighter after making fun of his ass. Apparently he looks good in lace. Frenchie is told to tail Lamplighter on the night that he murdered Mallory's children.

Dante Watches Chopper Chicks In Zombietown

Chopper Chicks In Zombietown 4/10

These biker ladies calling themselves Cycle Sluts roll into a town that don't want them to face off against some zombies that have broken free. The only thing that stands between this town being destroyed are some biker ladies, a bus full of blind kids, and a little person. I'm not making any of this up.

Jamie Rose as Dede

Catherine Carlen as Rox

Lycia Naff as T. C.

Vicki Frederick as Jewel

Kristina Loggia as Jojo

Gretchen Palmer as Rusty

Martha Quinn as Mae Clutter

Don Calfa as Ralph Willum

Billy Bob Thornton as Donny

Hal Sparks as Lance

Click here for previous Dante Watches. 

The Review: Raised By Wolves S1E3

"Virtual Faith"

This show is nuts. I mean that in a good way. So much happens in each episode that my ass thought that I was like two more episodes past where I am. Mother is telling all the kids a story. They don't wanna hear it because it is not allowed in their religion. She tells it anyway. Its Three Little Pigs. It scares them. They don't know better. After the shit her kid Campion pulled she now carries her battle eyes around her neck. This episode jumps around through time so it was a tiny bit confusing.

The Review: No Holds Barred

 

No Holds Barred RIP 'EM/10

Good lord. I have not seen this movie since it first came out. This was I believe the third movie I ever saw in a theater when I was 10 years old. After watching this again I can not believe how cool I thought this was or why I thought that Zeus was someone I should model my behavior afterward by wrapping foil around my wrists and clanging people on their shoulders. Can that even kill or cripple someone? I think it would hurt quite a bit. Anyhoot, our hero/psychopath is Rip Thomas. He rips 'em! He wrestles and this evil dude named Brell wants to buy him and have him fight for his...company? I'm not sure exactly. But he wants Rip badly.

The Review: The Boys S2E4 and E5

 

"Nothing Like It in the World"

This episode had a lot going on! The Deep is being set up by his church cult to get a new bride. The episode has cuts of different women speaking and you're not sure what it is about until it is revealed that Deep is supposed to choose one. He wants the nasty one but that is not what his ass is gonna get. Frenchie is snorting coke and goes to console Kimiko and tries to kiss her. She shoves his ass away and leaves. He dumb. He shouldn't have done that. Homelander confronts Starlight over not killing Hughie when he told her to and uses his lie detecting ability while jamming his hand into her ribs. He lets her live. For now. 

Grace gives Billy an old ad with this hero Liberty we keep seeing hints of and he sends Mother's Milk and Hughie to go see what's up. She also gives Billy the location of where Becca is because she just straight up feels bad for him now. Billy finds Becca and they set up a secret meeting and start boning down and smoking. He wants her to run away with him but she is reluctant having a kid and all. It is Homelander's kid but still. It's hers. I don't know. I ain't a parent. 

The Review: Gemini Man

Gemini Man 5/10

So I saw that Gemini Man was on Amazon last night and decided to check it out. I had heard that this movie was not that good and the frames per second were strange looking and the CGI unconvincing. But what I wasn't hearing about was the actual story. I know from the trailer that this dude ends up fighting a younger version of himself. That is pretty much it really. Henry Brogan (these names...) wants to stay retired. He has killed a lot of people and can't look at his own face. Get it?! They do this a lot. He meets this lady named Danny and it turns out she was assigned to tail him. They become buddies and a team of killers come to take him him. And her. And pretty much anyone that he has talked to in the last few days. He escapes because he is the best sniper/killer man ever in the history of Earth. Until he battles himself.

The Review: The Devil All The Time

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The Review: Doom Patrol Season 2

Doom Patrol Season Two 6/10

Full of spoilers. I finished the second season of Doom Patrol. I normally cover each episode but since I watched so many in clumps I am gonna just talk about the characters and how I felt about them by the end of the season. I broke them down into categories of good, okay, and ugly. This season was a roller coaster. I rated this one lower than the previous season because there was a lot of time wasted on some uninteresting characters or some characters, by the time the season ended, were right back where they started and any character growth they experience meant nothing. Some story aspects were straight up just forgotten about. CK told me that there is a third season coming and that shit better be incredible every single episode to make up for this one. I almost don't care if it continues or not. It made the same mistake that Umbrella Academy did in its second season where I can only watch people fuck up with no progress for so long.

The Review: Doom Patrol S2E5

"Finger Patrol"

This is the problem with binge watching. I was about to write about episode seven and forgot I watched five and six. Rita heads to an audition and ends up finding out that it is about the day she turned into a blob monster and destroyed the town. Larry has to head to his dead sons place and help clean it out. Its a whole thing that goes very sideways later. Cliff and Vic go to visit Vic's...girlfriend. Seriously. This relationship is a terrible idea and not an interesting story at all which sucks because Vic surprisingly had a really good story last season. This isn't even a “Let's give him a lighthearted story this season!” situation. As much as I enjoy this show as soon as his girlfriend appears on the scream I go “Ugh...” because that means I have to watch the same conversation happen again.

The Review: The Boys S2E3

"Over The Hill With The Swords Of A Thousand Men"

Homelander is scary. I have discovered that nothing is scarier than Homelander being at your kitchen table with no intention of leaving. This bastard is pretending that he knows how to be people and hanging out at Becca's place and trying to be a family. She wants absolutely none of it. He brings his son Ryan onto the roof and tells him to jump. Ryan is like “I can't fly, dad” and Homelander is like “Aw, you called me dad.” Then he shoves him off the roof. Becca rushes out and it turns out Ryan is fine. Homelander says of course because he is his son. Becca goes off on Homelander and he grabs her wrist. Ryna shoves him to the ground and his eyes laser up! Becca takes him inside and Homelander's weird ass if all proud.

The Review: Raised By Wolves S1E2

"Pentagram"

This strange ass show continues to stay strange. This starts with Marcus who was one of the religious dudes that arrived last episode and didn't get blown up. It is Boston, 2145, and shit is wild. There are androids that are in full attack mode looking like Mother just leveling things. He and this lady find an android that can perform surgery and they get this crazy two day face swaps to look like two people that are going to be aboard the ship leaving Earth. They find the real couple and kill them and also find out that they have to pretend to be the parents of a young boy who happens to be one of the survivors that Mother brought back to the planet.

The Review: The Boys S2E2

"Proper Preparation and Planning"

I have completed the first three episodes of The Boys that have been released and am so damned happy they didn't put them all out at once since I am re-watching season one with CK and letting her know when not to look at the screen. This show graphic as fuck but I still want her to be able to enjoy it because the acting, story, and style of the show is incredible. Butcher heads to Raynor's funeral (she got her head blown up) and meets with Grace. She is the lady that recruited him and sent him after Homelander and told him what happened to Becca his wife. She tells Butcher that if he can bring in the loose super terrorist that she can tell him where Becca is. He tries to recall where he was when he saw her at the house with a kid and can't recall much.

The Review: Raised By Wolves S1E1

"Raised By Wolves"

Full of spoilers. When I saw the trailer for this I knew it was gonna be nutty as hell. Oh, my body was not ready for the amount of “What the fuck?!” that this show contains. I said “Huh?” and “The hell...?” a lot during the hour. In the future a group of folks that didn't believe in god and some sun worshiping ones that hardcore do got into a fight. Everyone suffered because of it. The not religious people sends this ship with two androids and a dozen embryos on a ship to restart humanity without all that religious shit. The androids are Mother and Father. Father sticks these plugs into Mother and she grows the embryos in these ice tray looking things and he pulls out the babies later. One of them is dead but Mother starts humming to it and actually crying and it comes back to life. Father looks puzzled by her tears. This is just the first sign that shit is squirrely.

The Review: The Boys S2E1

"The Big Ride"

Last night I watched the first episode of the new season of The Boys. They released three of them but I am not trying to plow through since there are so many other good shows to watch right now and I am rationing shit out. I loved the first season of this and was way to excited when I found out the second would be coming out so soon. This picks up right after the previous season which I liked because I was dreading a massive flash forward. It begins with Black Noir in the middle east going after that super powered terrorist that can blow himself up but not die. It is one of the most gruesome ass scenes but I was here for it. People get throats cut, faces pulled apart, just everything. It was also more of him fighting than last season combined. He takes the guys head with him and plays with a bunny with a child. Its weird.

Dante Watches Double Dragon

Double Dragon 3/10

I watched the 1994 movie Double Dragon. It was bad. I liked the video games. Not this movie. Not sure why it was made or who it was made for. I enjoyed looking at Alyssa Milano. She looked great in this. Dude from Party Of Five is annoying. The other dude is not as annoying and actually knows how to fight. T-1000 is the villain. He turns into shadow paper. Its wack.

Scott Wolf as Billy Lee

Mark Dacascos as Jimmy Lee

Alyssa Milano as Marian Delario

Robert Patrick as Koga Shuko/Victor Guisman

Julia Nickson as Satori Imada

Leon Russom as Chief Delario

Kristina Wagner as Linda Lash

Nils Allen Stewart as Bo Abobo

Click here for previous The Review.

The Review: Doom Patrol S2E4

Doom Patrol S2E4 “Sex Patrol”

This episode had so much weird shit. Just when I thought something was strange a minute later something else would happen. This starts with a flashback showing Niles with Dorothy when she was living with Danny The Street. Even though she looks like a little girl she is old as fuck and Niles keeps treating her like a kid. I thought when she lived on Danny that she was partying down with everyone else. Nope! Niles had her underneath Danny all by herself and her imaginary friends. Candlemaker is getting stronger and keeps wanting her to do the opposite of what Niles says. She always ignores him except those few times when she makes a wish and crazy shit happens. A lot happens and I'll try to keep it in some form of order.