The Review: The Matrix Resurrections

The Matrix Resurrections 1/10

This was ass. Loved the first Matrix movie. Second had interesting fights. The third...yeah. Matrix: Resurrections was something that didn't need to happen. It didn't make me nostalgic. The effects weren't groundbreaking. The music. Geez. There is a song that starts playing at the end credits that made me want to throw my remote at the TV. The song was that bad. It took me two days to finish this because it felt odd and long. I did not think that this was gonna be a great movie. I knew some of the original cast was coming back but it wasn't like I wondered “I wish I knew what was going on with Neo and Trinity...” This movie can almost be watched without seeing the others because they turned the Matrix into a joke it feels. The first movie started people on paths of philosophical thought and revolutionized the action genre. This had fight scenes you could see on The CW Network. I shouldn't have watched this.

Keanu Reeves as Thomas Anderson/Neo

Carrie-Anne Moss as Tiffany/Trinity

Yahya Abdul-Mateen II as Morpheus

Jonathan Groff as Smith

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The Review: The Wheel Of Time

The Wheel of Time 9/10

Hey, book fans. I get it. I know how you feel when you read something and it is made into a movie or series and they change so much it doesn't make sense. It happened to me with Altered Carbon. I saw the first season, liked it, read the books and hated it. American Gods? Read the book, loved it, liked the show, read the book again, hated the show. But with Wheel of Time I had never even heard of the books and have zero desire to and the main reason is the people who actually have read the books. When Altered Carbon started its second season I didn't even finish the first episode because I quickly realized it wasn't for me. I wasn't gonna force myself to sit and watch a show I wasn't enjoying and had no hopes of it improving. I also didn't want to write about it every week or whatever about how it wasn't what I wanted and expected. I do that enough with other things. So when L. and I started watching this I was hooked immediately and some of it seems for reasons people were upset.

The Review: Hawkeye

Hawkeye 2/10

I didn't like it. That's all. Kidding. But not really. I did not enjoy Hawkeye as much as I expected to. Does it help that I absolutely loved every previous Disney+/Marvel series? It should've. They were knocking them out the park this year and this one started off with me being into it but as the main star Kate Bishop was older and acting like she was 10 and got progressively more annoying as the show went on I lost interest but kept watching out of a silly sense of dedication. Plus all the movies and shows are connected and I didn't wanna miss out on anything. Basically when Kate was little during the New York battle with the Avengers, Hawkeye incidentally saved her life. Her dad ends up dying and she and her mom survive and Kate wants a bow and arrow. She grows up competing in many sports that require discipline but someone don't listen to shit anyone says especially Hawkeye.

The Review: A Christmas Story

A Christmas Story 8/10

This is the first time I had ever seen A Christmas Story. I know. I know! What I could recall about knowing this movie existed was a lamp with a lady's leg and some kid getting his tongue stuck to a pole. That is it. So L. was as upset about this as when I said I had never watched The Grinch Who Stole Christmas. Yes, I have now watched that as well. I liked it. So with A Christmas Story I could relate to this kid so much with wanting just one single toy. He wanted a rifle but his mom, his teacher, and even Santa Claus told him that he would shoot his eye out of he got it and I'll be damned if when taking his very first shot with the gun he nicked his cheek, knocked his glasses off, and then stepped on them. It was a lot. There were some scenes that made me bust up laughing like the lunatic bullies who chased him every day, Flick crying for help when he got stuck to that pole, and the little brother Randy falling on his bike like a turtle. The movie also flew by. I'm not sure why I never watched this even as an adult but I am glad that I got to see it now.

Peter Billingsley as Ralphie Parker

Ian Petrella as Randy Parker

Melinda Dillon as Mrs. Parker

Darren McGavin as Mr. Parker 

Scott Schwartz as Flick

R. D. Robb as Schwartz

Zack Ward as Scut Farkus

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The Review: This Christmas

This Christmas 6/10

This movie had everything. Bottles against heads. Loan sharks. Gun threats. Spousal abuse. Jail. Baby oil. A secret White woman. This starts at a club in Chicago and after this dude Quentin finishes playing saxophone he smacks a dude over the head with a bottle and runs away. It was pretty intense. Back in LA the mother of this family, Shirley, wants all her kids together for the holiday. She is dating a guy named Joe after her husband left the family years ago to play music. The oldest is Quentin who bottles people and runs. He ain't been around for four years. Lisa who is a housewife, mother, helping run the mom's laundry business, and has a cheating ass husband. Kelli is visiting from New York. She ain't interesting. Claude is a Marine with a secret White woman. Mel is a college student with a boyfriend. Also not interesting. And finally Baby who wants to be a photographer and secret musician. See, Shirley hates music since her husband left to play music. Think that is everyone. Oh, and Joe is a deacon and dating Shirley.

The Review: The Best Man Holiday

The Best Man Holiday 8/10

L. continues to get me watching Black movies that I should have seen years ago. I really liked this one. The Best Man Holiday was exactly how I would imagine all of these people being like years after the first movie. Harper is a trash person still. I know that time has passed but he is still not shit and I am sure that I should see him differently but I just can't. He a snake and was called one and I agreed so damn much. Everyone decides to meet at Lance's place for the holidays. Lance is close to retiring from the NFL and breaking a rushing record. Harper has not sold a book that has done as well as his first in years and has almost no money left on top of the fact that his wife Robyn is pregnant and has struggled to carry a child. Jordan is dating a white dude and Harper has the nerve to act some way over her being in a relationship. Murch is not able to get more finding for his school after an old video of his now wife Candy (the stripper he fell for) comes out. He wont tell her about it but treats her like trash because of it. His old girlfriend Shelby is now on one of those Housewives type shows where she is famous and just fights folks. Quentin is doing well and is still a horndog and the best part of these movies.

The Review: Three Bad Christmas Movies

For the last few years me and Cam have watched some bad Christmas movies. A couple nights ago she called me about some that were on Hoopla. Mind you, we fast forwarded through a lot of these but still managed to follow the plots. The main thing these films had in common were almost no relation to Christmas, bad lighting, sound, and clothing. After talking to L. about these I decided that I would not be giving these a rating...but if I did they would all be 0's. Enjoy!

The Review: What We Do In The Shadows Season 3

What We Do In The Shadows Season 3 (2/10)

It is crazy how I can enjoy a series so much and then it takes a nosedive. I disliked this past season so much that I forgot to even write about it. The cast is all the same and they even added a few extra but the writing seemed...off. It felt like the show was making fun of itself it that makes any sense. Sort of how Black Mirror became a parody of Black Mirror so much that when shows mocked it they looked like actual episodes of the series. That is what I felt like watching this. There was one episode (the gym cult) that had me laughing but the rest just felt strange and rushed. There is supposed to be another season. I'm at a point in my life where I don't feel the need to continue watching series that go on too long and don't make me happy the way they used to.

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The Review: Last Night In Soho

Last Night In Soho 4/10

I watched the movie Last Night In Soho a few weeks ago and it took me a while to figure out whether I liked this movie and what rating I would give it. When comparing it to the other directors films this one is by far my least favorite. I've watched the rest minimum five times but feel zero desire to watch this one again. If I was grading this on how it looked it would be a 10/10 because it looked great. But things worked against it that are all on me. Not a fan of one of the stars and the other annoyed me with her voice. But still. Great looking movie. This movie is about a skittish young woman who sees her dead mother and is obsessed with London in the 60's. She heads there for fashion school though he aunt warns her how London ate her mother alive.

The Review: Every Harry Potter Film

The Harry Potter books came out like 20 years ago when I was working in a book store. And by book store I mean porn shop. These books flew off the shelves and I didn't know why. Ten years later the moves came out and I saw the first three sporadically but didn't get into them like most folk did. I saw the same three one more time and have made Perler bead designs from the movies and it wasn't until a couple months ago that L. who is a huge fan of the films decided that I needed to watch the rest of them which I did.

The Review: Venom Let There Be Carnage

Venom: Let There Be Carnage 0/10

I can't even be mad. I knew this film was gonna be trash after the trailer came out. The first one was bad but they somehow made this one even worse. I guess if you don't care about a good story, acting, music, character design, or tone of a film than this is incredible. I didn't like anything about this and gave it a 1 instead of a zero because I finished it. Like, there is supposed to be funny moments in this all over the place but I didn't laugh a single time. The fights looked bad. I didn't care about any of the characters. And then the nerve to tie it to the MCU at the end? Please don't. I have enjoyed Spider-Man in the MCU and the idea of slapping this trash to it makes my asshole twitch. Years ago I wrote about Venom and Sony (click here to read that) and the Spider-Man movies had not even come out yet. Now that they have I don't want this near it. Oh. Right. The story. Venom and Eddie don't get along. Eddie stills likes his ex. Eddie gets a dude executed but not before he bites Eddie. Dude is Carnage. Dude breaks out girlfriend whose power happens to be Venom and Carnage's weakness. Venom beats him. Looking at my old review I gave it a 0. Yeah. I'm changing this one to a 0. I couldn't suggest this shit to anyone.

Tom Hardy as Eddie Brock/Venom

Michelle Williams as Anne Weying

Naomie Harris as Frances Barrison/Shriek

Reid Scott as Dan Lewis

Stephen Graham as Patrick Mulligan

Woody Harrelson as Cletus Kasady/Carnage:

Click here for previous The Review.

The Review: A Chestnut Family Christmas

A Chestnut Family Christmas 5/10

So L. has been wanting to watch some Christmas movies with me and we watched this crazy ass movie called A Chestnut Family Christmas. This lady Nina is a live in cook for a family that is gonna be moving from Chicago to LA in a few months. They leave for the holidays and she invites her best friend Malcolm over. She doesn't want to see her brothers for the holidays because she has been competing with them her entire life and living in their shadows. They say they cant have it at their house so they invite themselves over to her place and by her place I mean where she is staying that is not hers but she lied and said its her place. She also lied about still being a lawyer. And lied and said that Malcolm is her fiancé. I swear. Its just lies in lies with this woman. Malcolm is about to be the new deacon at a church and has a fiancé of his own that I kept calling his aunty.

The Review: The Wonder Years (2021)

The Wonder Years 8/10

This was a funny ass series. When I first heard that this was going to be a thing I shit all over it because I'm a dick. I thought they were just gonna remake the show but after watching just the first episode I realized that while it takes place in the same time period as the original Wonder Years it could be a completely different series when seen through the eyes of a Black family in the same era. I laughed my ass off when the star Dean milked the death of MLK to do less work in school. The thing I enjoy more about this than the original is that I actually cared about everyone in the family and they all had their own story going. Maybe the OG show did but I don't remember them or care. The father was a musician. The mom had a job we actually got to see her at while running the home. The sister was going through wanting to be a teen and a revolutionary. Dean had friends and a girl he had a crush on and I noticed that he had more friends than Kevin in the original. He also seemed to be more involved in what was happening. His brother was fighting in Vietnam and he would compare himself to him as from what we have been told he was just good at everything and everyone liked him. Dean is not close to perfect and reminds me way too much of myself at times which is why I cringed so much while watching. This is on Hulu and only eight episodes which you could watch in a day but I watched it every week as it came out and got bummed when I realized it was finished. I look forward to another season.

Elisha "EJ" Williams as Dean Williams

Don Cheadle narrates as an older Dean

Dulé Hill as Bill Williams

Saycon Sengbloh as Lillian Williams

Laura Kariuki as Kim Williams

Amari O'Neil as Cory Long

Julian Lerner as Brad Hitman

Milan Ray as Keisa Clemmons

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The Review: Soul Food (1997)

Soul Food 5/10

I saw Soul Food a few days ago and have sat on reviewing it and talking to folk about it and dropped it a point since then. Why? Because this movie has a terrible message which is: if they are family you should forgive them no matter what. This movie has everything. Sunday dinners. Divorce. Cheating. Arguing. Guns. Greens. A horny pastor. Diabetes. Its like the recipe for a Black film. And its long and I definitely felt it at times, usually when there was music playing. This is told through a boy named Ahmad. His mother is Maxine who started dating and married a dude that her older sister Teri liked. Teri is still mad about it all these years later and after being married multiple times since then. The youngest sister Bird just married a felon named Lem who dances with this woman at the wedding and she is rubbing her booty all over his dickbone. It was so disrespectful.

The Review: The Harder They Fall

The Harder The Fall 10/10

This gonna have spoilers. I fucking loved this movie. Just everything about it. I have no complaints. Even things I would normally complain about in films and TV that The Harder They Fall did managed to work. I tend to cringe when modern movie is used in movies about the past but for whatever reason in this it made it better like some kind of damn magic trick. I knew that this was coming out and some of the cast got me excited but I didn't watch a trailer thankfully because I did afterward and they showed way too much cool shit.

The Review: Red Notice

Red Notice 1/10

I don't know how I feel about Red Notice. I mean, I know I didn't like it. It was bad. But I don't know how I feel about being able to wrangle Deadpool, Wonder Woman, and Black Adam into a movie and finding a way to make it bad. This is about a dude and a cop trying to catch a thief and then another thief getting involved and then it turns out the thief and the dude are working together while the cop tries to catch all of them. The movie looks good. That's about all I can say and why I didn't give this a zero. The story wasn't good. Reynolds is Reynolds and while I like Reynolds I don't think he needed to do this movie. The Rock is The Rock and acts like The Rock anytime you've seen him. Gadot can't act. I have seen her in eleven movies now and feel comfortable with saying this and not sounding like a dick. Maybe this would have been good with three unknown actors and actresses. That lady that made me dislike the second season of Umbrella Academy was in this too. That didn't help.

Dwayne Johnson as John Hartley

Ryan Reynolds as Nolan Booth

Gal Gadot as Sarah Black 

Chris Diamantopoulos as Sotto Voce

Ritu Arya as Urvashi Das

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The Review: Shang-Chi and the Legend of the Ten Rings

Shang-Chi and the Legend of the Ten Rings 9/10

Full of all the spoilers. Holy shit I wish I could've seen this in theaters! This is the type of film my ass would have been in the theater the first week at a matinee with a bucket of popcorn and a soda. But no. We still in a damn pandemic and I'm not trying to sit in a theater with a bunch of other weirdos and pulling a mask down and sitting with the public like that. I mean, I did see that classic film months ago but this isn't about me being a hypocrite. Shang-Chi made me so happy about the upcoming MCU film because Captain Marvel and Black Widow stank so I was getting concerned. This movie fixed that by introducing a cool ass new hero that has a personality and fucking awesome looking powers but a villain that was crazy but also cool and had focus. I might watch this again while I'm writing.

The Review: Doom Patrol Season 3

Doom Patrol Season Three 1/10

This season was terrible. I loved the first season and the second was riddled with issues. I started watching this and this huge arc from the first season was wrapped up in the first two minutes of this season. I thought it was a dream or illusion but, no, it was real and stupid. I remember when this series had interesting villains and other characters that would randomly pop up. When things would get weird they weren't cool or funny weird. Its like the show was suddenly being done by folks who had heard what the show was like and then they got to make it. This one had uninteresting villains and any extra person that appeared was dull. I seriously straight up could not give a damn about anyone this season.

The Review: Ghosts (BBC)

Ghosts (BBC) 9/10

This series is awesome. L. and I saw this pop up on HBO Max and decided to check it out and immediately enjoyed it. We also found out that there is a new United States version that she started checking out but I will wait because I don't wanna watch a remake so close to the original especially when I liked the original so much. This is about a newly married couple named Alison and Mike. After a distant relative of hers passes away she discovers that she inherits Button House which is this big ass mansion. The problem is that the place is filthy with ghosts that passed away there over the years and never moved on. Even the distant relative moved on immediately which upset some of the ghosts that seem stuck there. The ghosts like having the house to themselves so when Alison and Mike move in they are pissed.

The Review: Peppermint

Peppermint 1/10

Years ago when I first heard about this movie I talked mad shit about how bad the movie poster looked (click here for that). I watched this movie in two parts because I couldn't imagine sitting through this nonsense straight through. This lady gets revenge after her husband and daughter are killed by a cartel. She gets shot too but survives. Why they shoot her family? Cause her husband agreed to do a heist then changed his mind but the bad guys found out it was going to happen. The cops find out that she stole some money and traveled the world doing fucking MMA and stealing guns. So she lives on Skid Row which is now safe cause she kill folks that fuck with the homeless. The rest of this movie is dirty cops, drug dealers, and a bunch of Latino dudes getting their faces blown off. This woman gains the ability to teleport eventually. Seriously. Like, she shoots the main bad guy right in the face with dozens of cops watching who immediately open fire on her and hit her. Moments later she vanished. They find her at her family's tombstone and she dies. Then she is wakes in the hospital where the main cop gives her a key to her handcuffs and she vanishes from the hospital that is filthy with police. With such a heavy plot this movie shouldn't have been as cartoonishly ridiculous. This movie was ass.

Jennifer Garner as Riley North

John Ortiz as Detective Moises Beltran

John Gallagher Jr. as Detective Stan Carmichael

Juan Pablo Raba as Diego Garcia

Annie Ilonzeh as FBI Agent Lisa Inman

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The Review: Dune

Dune ???/10

A couple of weeks ago I watched Dune on HBO Max. I have not read the books. I have not watched the previous films though I did know they existed. I also knew there were giant worms in the sand. What do I know after watching? The worms are bigger than I thought. I honestly don't know what to even say about this movie. It wasn't bad at all. The sound was cool. The movie looked cool. I just don't know what the fuck I watched. There is this young dude that has a special power that is a legend and he is gonna save folk. There is space politics. People that bath in juices. Water is valuable. I know I sound dumb and that is because I sat here for a couple hours and just said “What happened?” I also didn't know that this was half a story. Just when things were revving up there were credits. That didn't help. So yeah. Folks who know this story loved it. So there's that.

Timothée Chalamet as Paul Atreides

Rebecca Ferguson as Lady Jessica

Oscar Isaac as Duke Leto Atreides

Josh Brolin as Gurney Halleck

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The Review: Only Murders In The Building

Only Murders In The Building 10/10

I absolutely loved watching this show. Only Murders In The Building was one of those series that I had sorta heard of but didn't say that I would even check it out. Then one day L. and I started and got hooked. I think there were already about three episodes out at the time and we blasted through them. This is about an actor named Charles-Haden Savage, a struggling director named Oliver Putnam, and a young woman named Mabel Mora who find out that they have an obsession with a murder podcast on the same night a murder takes place in the building. It turns out that Mabel once knew the guy who was killed and they start a podcast and investigation into who did it. Until the very last episode we were trying to guess who was the murderer and when we did I didn't feel like an idiot for wasting my time. Some shows and movies will answer the question and you never could have guessed not because you aren't bright but because of bad writing. I loved everything about this show. The acting, the music, the look, all the characters that came and went. This was a perfect show. Zero complaints or issues with it. Check it out on Hulu.

Steve Martin as Charles-Haden Savage

Martin Short as Oliver Putnam

Selena Gomez as Mabel Mora

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The Review: Marvel's What If...?

What If...? 8/10

Weeks ago the new Marvel series What If...? ended and I enjoyed it for the most part. My biggest complaint was that some of the episodes needed and/or deserved more time to flesh things out. Other were just fun to watch and I got just enough. I didn't think that I would enjoy the art style that much but after about two episodes I was fine with it. I liked that a lot of the original actors and actresses returned to do voices but there were some that were so awkward that it reminded me why there is a separate category for voice over work. Not everyone can do it. I have listed my favorite episodes in order and will write a bit about what I did and didn't like about each of them.

The Review: Fast Forward

Fast Forward ???/10

A fever dream wrapped in a musical. I watched this film called Fast Forward that my best friend has loved since I've known her and she would sing a song from it that I had never heard before. Over a month ago we finally sat down and watch this movie. It is about a group of singers and dancers known as The Adventurous Eight. There are six girls and two dudes. I think they are in high school but since it takes place in the 1980's they all look closer to 30 years old. They hear about an executive and want a dance contract but get there and the man has died. The new dude tells them to join a competition. Meanwhile they all move into this ratty ass apartment full of mold and sexual harassers at the entrance. They earn money by performing in the streets much to the chagrin of another dance troupe. One of the guys starts falling for a rich girl who already has a guy and his ass already has a girlfriend in the dance group. He trash. The other dude in the group gets mad that they are doing the same corny dances while other folk are pop locking an' shit. They rehearse and add more modern dances. This is one of them feel good movies from back in the day that come across as cheesy now but worth watching for some simple fun with catchy ass music.

John Scott Clough - Matt Sherman

Don Franklin - Michael Stafford

Tamara Mark - June Wolsky

Tracy Silver - Meryl Stanton

Cindy McGee - Francine Hackett

Gretchen Palmer - Valerie Thompson

Monique Cintron - Rita Diaz

Debra Varnado - Debbie Hughes

Noel Conlon - Mr. Stanton

Karen Kopins - Susan Granger

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The Review: The Long Halloween

The Long Halloween Parts 1 & 2 (9/10)

This was damn near a perfect animated set of movies. I didn't even know these existed until I saw them on HBO Max just sitting there. This was one of my favorite Batman comics and I was just hoping this would be an okay-ish series but it turned out to be my favorite Batman animated film since Sub Zero. I'm not gonna try to break down two films that have a lot of stuff happening and a dozen characters and every Batman villain. Basically someone is murdering mafia members every holiday through the year and no one knows who the hell it is. It is also the story of the downfall of Harvey Dent. I liked the voice acting in this. The story was great and followed the comic enough. The art was awesome. Really enjoyed this and will likely watch it multiple times.

Jensen Ackles as Bruce Wayne/Batman

Josh Duhamel as Harvey Dent/Two-Face

Billy Burke as Commissioner Gordon

Naya Rivera as Selina Kyle/Catwoman

Alastair Duncan as Alfred Pennyworth

Troy Baker as Joker 

David Dastmalchian as Julian Day/Calendar Man, Oswald Cobblepot/Penguin

Amy Landecker as Barbara Gordon, Carla Viti

Julie Nathanson as Gilda Dent

Gary LeRoi Gray as Officer Pearce

Fred Tatasciore as Solomon Grundy, Large Triad, Vincent Falcone

Jim Pirri as Sal Maroni

Titus Welliver as Carmine Falcone

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The Review: Free Guy

Free Guy 8/10

This was a fun ass movie! Free Guy is one of those kinds of movies that would is cool to watch as an adult but would have been one of the best movies ever if I saw this when I was a kid. It is about a guy named Guy that is an NPC in a video game. He lives his life the same way doing the same things at work every single day until one day he spots a lady singing a song and it throws everything off. One day during a robbery instead of laying down he fights back and gets sunglasses that allow him to see the actual video game world. He finds her and she tells him that he needs to level up. He does but not by robbing banks and hurting people but by doing good. He gets very popular and the game developers can't figure out what is going on. The lady he has fallen for, well, it turns out that she is a game developer and he is becoming sentient. She lets him know he is not real which is not cool at all. He gets over it and helps her out while his city is being destroyed and in the real world the servers are being hacked with an ax. This movie had cool action, effects, and music. It was just a straight up entertaining movie.

Ryan Reynolds as Guy

Jodie Comer as Millie Rusk/Molotovgir

Joe Keery as Walter "Keys" McKey

Lil Rel Howery as Buddy

Utkarsh Ambudkar as Mouser

Taika Waititi as Antwan Hovachelik

Britne Oldford as Barista

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The Review: Good Neighbours

Good Neighbours 5/10

This movie was weird as hell. Good Neighbours is about this strange ass cat loving woman named Louise living in Montreal at a diner. One of her coworkers gets raped and murdered as there is someone just running around comitting these crimes. A new guy moves in. He weird. Her neighbor is a dude in a wheelchair who lost the use of his legs after a car accident that also killed his wife. New neighbor likes her but wheelchair dude does too and I was like “Didn't your wife just die?” There is this other lady that lives in the building that is always yelling and hates the lady's cats so she poisons them. Louise decides to kill and rape the evil lady using the same manner which the real killer does as revenge using new neighbors sperm. She finds out that wheelchair dude can walk and is the real killer. They make plan to kill new neighbor because he knows too much. Cops get involved, killer goes after new neighbor, killer falls off balcony and dies, Louise gets to keep new cat from new neighbor. This movie was strange as fuck. I am pretty sure this was supposed to be a dark comedy but once she strangled that lady to death and stuck a dildo in her it lost all rights to be comedic.

Jay Baruchel as Victor

Scott Speedman as Spencer

Emily Hampshire as Louise

Anne-Marie Cadieux as Valérie

Diane D'Aquila as Miss Van Ilen

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The Review: Love And Monsters

Love And Monsters 7/10

This was a fun little movie. In Love And Monsters there was a meteor coming to Earth so everyone shot it with missiles and then it rained down all kinds of radiation that turned every insect and frog and whatever into giant creatures. This kid Joel gets split from his girlfriend and his parents end up getting killed. He stays in a bunker with a group fighting creatures. They do. He cooks and draws. He decides to go find his girl one day and travel 85 miles on foot fighting all kinds of crazy ass things. Along the way he finds a dog and comes across a man and a little girl that give him some training and tips on how to survive. He eventually is found by his girlfriend but she had already started seeing someone else (which would have been nice to know before he trekked across the most dangerous land!). A guy with a ship shows up with her group and says he has a way to safety on his yacht and it turns out he is using people as bait to make a giant crab drag the damn boat. This was on Hulu and a nice easy watch.

Dylan O'Brien as Joel Dawson

Jessica Henwick as Aimee

Michael Rooker as Clyde Dutton

Dan Ewing as Cap

Ariana Greenblatt as Minnow

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The Review: Across 110th Street

Across 110th Street 6/10

This was a crazy ass movie. I didn't even know it existed and thought it was just a cool song. This is about two dudes who rob the mob for $300,000 (it was a lot back in 1972) while dressed as cops. They shoot them all and end up shooting actual cops while escaping. The cops who are mostly racist as well as everyone else in this movie. There is one good dude who is a cop but he is surrounded by cops who don't like or trust him because he is Black. There was no one to really cheer for and almost everyone ended up dead by the end of this. One of the bad guys shoots so many people while running from the cops and ends up being taken out and just when all seems well a pimp with a sniper pistol takes out the captain and then the movie just ends. I was like “The hell?!” Good cheesy 70's flick L. and I caught on Pluto. Y'all sleeping on Pluto. That channel is amazing.

Anthony Quinn as Captain Mattelli

Yaphet Kotto as Lieutenant Pope

Anthony Franciosa as Nick D'Salvio

Paul Benjamin as Jim Harris

Ed Bernard as Joe Logart

Richard Ward as Doc Johnson

Antonio Fargas as Henry J. Jackson

Norma Donaldson as Gloria Roberts

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The Review: The Many Saints Of Newark

The Many Saints Of Newark 5/10

I checked out The Many Saints Of Newark and it was not what I was expecting. I thought I would be seeing what a young Tony was like and how he came to be and got the story of his uncle with a bit of Tony sprinkled in. Not enough to show me what made him the way he ended up being. I did not watch the last few seasons of the original Soprano's series but I know how it all ended so I wasn't super hype about this or anything. It was just fine to me. There is a whole side story that either did not need to be involved, be a whole other series, or actually delved into. The fact that they spent so much time on this other story felt very out of place. Also, Tony doesn't really become involved in the story until just over an hour in and less than an hour later the movie is over. I don't need to check this out again or anything. This movie was just fine.

Alessandro Nivola as Dickie Moltisanti

Leslie Odom Jr. as Harold McBrayer

Vera Farmiga as Livia Soprano

Jon Bernthal as Johnny Soprano

Corey Stoll as Junior Soprano

Ray Liotta as "Hollywood Dick" Moltisanti and Salvatore "Sally" Moltisanti

Michela De Rossi as Giuseppina Moltisanti

Michael Gandolfini as Tony Soprano

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The Review: Schmigadoon

Schmigadoon! 8/10

This was a damn good series. L. and I decided to check this out and also make fun of the fact that many of my musical references come from watching The Simpsons. Schmigadoon is about this couple named Melissa and Josh who are in a relationship that is kind of in neutral. They go to a retreat and while on a hike walk through some fog and end up in this weird ass town where they are greeted with with an entire ass musical performance. They discover that they can not leave this place until they find their true love and after trying to cross the bridge and being stuck they see that they aren't each others even though they think they are. This is a funny show with some really good musical numbers. I laughed out loud many times. This was on Apple so chances are a lot of people either didn't see it or likely don't know it exists.

Keegan-Michael Key as Josh Skinner

Cecily Strong as Melissa Gimble

Fred Armisen as Reverend Howard Layton

Dove Cameron as Betsy McDonough

Jaime Camil as Doc Jorge Lopez

Kristin Chenoweth as Mildred Layton

Alan Cumming as Mayor Aloysius Menlove

Ariana DeBose as Emma Tate

Ann Harada as Florence Menlove

Jane Krakowski as Countess Gabriele Von Blerkom

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The Review: Zola

Zola 6/10

This movie was fucking crazy. I had heard of the tweets that this movie Zola was based off of but never read them. I watched this and was shocked that what happened because if my ass was involved it never would have made it past five minutes. This is about this woman named Aziah “Zola” King that is a waitress that strips on the side. One day she meets this woman named Stefani that invites her on a road trip from Detroit to Florida to dance and get paid. This shit goes sideways real quick. The trip itself was too much for my old spirit. The music, the gum chewing, the weird ass boyfriend named Derrek, and X who turns out to be Stefani's pimp. Yeah. He threatens Zola and tries to whore her out but she ends up just teaching Stefani how to make more money for sex. There is a montage of some of the strangest looking mail genitalia. This movie was less than an hour and a half but felt longer. Not sure what could have been cut out considering it was so short but it felt like something was missing. It was based off tweets so how much more could I ask for? It was shot well and looked good but I wouldn't suggest rushing out to find this.

Taylour Paige as Aziah "Zola" King

Riley Keough as Stefani

Nicholas Braun as Derrek

Colman Domingo as Abegunde “X” Olawale

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The Review: La Brea

La Brea Season One Episode One 2/10

I knew from the trailer for this series that it would be bad but my stomach hurt and I needed something to watch so I decided to check this out on Hulu. I'll let you know now that I wont be finishing because its not good. Its maddening and funny but is supposed to be serious somehow. This is just me talking shit while I watched.

Oh god. All that damn traffic. I've been to the La Brea tar pits lots of times. It stinks but is cool. Like me.

Smart ass dude and a girl with a handicap and a tense mom. Okay.

The Review: Nine Perfect Strangers

Nine Perfect Strangers 10/10

Will have all kinda spoilers. This was a damned good show! I had no plans to check out Nine Perfect Strangers on Hulu. I had no idea what it was about and had no interest in finding out but L. and I watched this show every damn week just in shock and waiting for it every week. We got a late start and were able to check out the first few one after another and then had to sit and ponder what the hell was going on. When the show begins this author named Frances is upset about a relationship that went south (we find out why later) and that her latest book is not going to be published. Along the way she meets a man named Tony who tries to help her and they immediately don't get along.

The Review: Magic Mike XXL

Magic Mike XXL 9/10

This is not a movie you should watch as an out of shape male sitting next to your lady. A few weeks back I watched Magic Mike XXL and was so pleased that it had the same vibe of the first but eliminated that girl he had zero chemistry with and the young dude that wasn't interesting. This takes place three years after the last film where Mike had left the team and had been running his small business. He friends trick him into a reunion thinking his last boss, Dallas, has died. He ain't dead. They go on a road trip for one last hurrah stripping. They meet with Mike's old boss, Rome, who is pissed at him at first since he left her for Dallas. She makes him perform for the ladies at his place before deciding to help him out. Every dance sequence in this made my knees and back hurt just watching. This one was funnier than the first. And by funny I mean that uncomfortable laughter I make when I know I will never be the proud owner of an ab or be able to put my lady in a chair and flip her upside down simulating oral sex.

Channing Tatum as Michael “Magic Mike” Lane

Matt Bomer as Ken

Joe Manganiello as Big Dick Richie

Kevin Nash as Tarzan

Adam Rodríguez as Tito

Gabriel Iglesias as Tobias

Jada Pinkett Smith as Rome

Elizabeth Banks as Paris

Donald Glover as Andre

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The Review: Kate

Kate 7/10

Miss Jackie suggested this movie called Kate on Netflix to me and I'm glad she did. I like revenge movies. I like them even more when the story is simple. This is about this assassin named Kate that has a handler named Varrick. She calls him V. She is in Japan to kill this dude when she sees that he has a kid. She wants to call it off but is told to complete it. The voice lets her know when the kill window is closing. She does it just in time spraying the guys daughter with blood. Its pretty fucked up since she broke her own code of not killing in front of kids. She says her next assignment is her last and V. is like “Hmm...we'll see about that.” Before her last gig she meets this dude in a bar and they make the sex after drinking. She ends up fucking up the shot and wakes in a hospital having been poisoned with one day to live. After this it is a lot of shooting, violent ass fights, and some very creative camera work. Oh, and a teenage girl that I couldn't stand. Y'all know how I feel about the youth in films. They tend to be incredible or make a movie unwatchable. Thankfully I was able to survive this child and enjoy the film. Oh, and I was mad that I didn't recognize the star of this movie. I have seen her plenty of times but her face does not stay in my head for some reason. I was legit baffled when I saw who it was thinking it was some brand new action star in the making.

Mary Elizabeth Winstead as Kate

Miku Martineau as Ani

Woody Harrelson as Varrick

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