Ross Radio Show 133

In this episode I play some old school hip hop. Kwame The Man We All Know And Love, The UMC’s Blue Cheese, The Afros Feel It, A Tribe Called Quest Check The Rhime, Twin Hype Do It To The Crowd, De La Soul The Magic Number, Nice & Smooth Sometimes I Rhyme Slow, and Leaders Of The New School The International Zone Coaster. Click here for this and previous Ross Radio Shows.

Fap Files: Older Women

Ever since I was a young boy I had a thing for older women. If you are between the age of 38 and 50 chances are we would get along great. It never helped that I never went through a “Ew, girls!” phase. My poor teacher Ms. Stewart didn’t stand a chance with my pervy little ass. I was recently watching a movie and saw an actress and said “I’d totally wreck her old ass.” And that inspired this weeks Fap File. Also, I am fully aware that I have not posted enough of these this year so it will now be a weekly thing to keep me on track. For a few weeks.

Gossip & Shit: November 27th 2012

A third guy has come out to say that Kevin Clash the voice of Elmo got busy with him. He is accused of getting the guy, a teen at the time, drunk, groomed, and fingered. Wow. Groomed. That is pretty nice.

A woman is suing Justin Bieber for her hearing loss. She wants $9.23 million. Look. You need to have your hearing taken away for going to his concert in the first place. You obviously don’t respect your ears.  

Charlie Sheen is said to have given Lindsay Lohan $100,000 to help pay off her taxes. Wait. What?! He also gave a few hundred thousand to various charities as well.

Jessica Simpson has lost 60 pounds after giving birth. She now looks like a thinner version of a chick I wouldn’t bang. Seriously. How am I single?!

Theater Whore: Wreck It Ralph

It takes something special for me to watch a CGI film. I love hand drawn cartoons and miss them like crazy and semi rage against these new films that take three years or something to make because the hair has to look real, damn it! The last computerized films I liked a lot were The Incredibles and How To Train Your Dragon. So when I saw the trailer for Wreck-It Ralph what got me interested was the fact that it was filled with old school game characters that I knew.

This movie is about a character named Ralph that wrecks things in a game called Fix-It Felix Jr. Ralph breaks things, Felix fixes them, Ralph gets tossed off the building, repeat. Ralph wants to be friends with the neighbors but since he’s the bad guy they don’t want any part of him. At his bad guy support group they worry that Ralph may be going “Turbo” which is a term I will using in my vocabulary from now on. We find out what it means later.

Ralph tries to go to a party thrown by the neighbors and Felix when they tell him that he’s a bad guy and will always be one. The only way for him to become a good guy is to win a medal which he cant do in his own game so he abandons it. All of the video games are in an arcade and when kids aren’t playing them at night they cross to each others games. Ralph finds out about a game called Hero’s Duty where you climb a building and get a medal and jumps into that game.

Gossip & Shit: November 23rd 2012

Woman puncher Chris Brown and punch taker Rihanna were partying together in Germany because fuck being smart.

Boxing legend Hector “Macho” Camacho has been taken off life support after his family was split on the decision to do it or not. Dude was an amazing boxer I watched growing up and its sad his life had to turn out this way with him being shot several times in the neck and face in Puerto Rico.

I’m gonna need a whole ‘nother blog just for Lohan news. Lindsay’s new film Liz & Dick has been panned by almost every critic who has seen it which means I absolutely have to find a way to watch it. Her dad Michael found out he has another 17 year old daughter months after having another kid with his woman who had a restraining order against him. Lindsay wants nothing to do with any of them. Oh, families are special. Oh, and Lindsay may have her probation revoked after lying to cops after her car accident where she said she wasn‘t driving. Which car accident? The one here in California. Not the other ones.

Mary-Kate Olsen has a boyfriend…who is 42. Ew!!!

Theater Whore: Twilight: Breaking Dawn Part 2

Oh my god so many beheadings! This movie should have been called Twilight: Breaking Necks Part 2! This was by far the most violent of the series. Fuck that. One of the most violent films to come out in the last few years. This movie was more violent than Wolverine. Read that again at least four times and try to make sense of it. You cant! I have already mentioned that I have seen all these films and did not super hate them. This film takes place right after Twilight Breaking Dawn: Part 1. If you recall Kristen Stewart, who I cant stand, had a baby and became a vampire.

So Bella wakes up and Edward is watching her like a total creepazoid and she bolts across the room and starts molesting her face. He tells her that she is stronger than him right now and that before she goes to see the baby, Renesmee, that she needs to feed. They go out hunting and she is gonna snatch a deer when she spots a hiker. She fights the urge to chomp his ass and kills a mountain lion instead. Then she heads back to the house and starts to kick Jacob’s ass because he is imprinted on her daughter. Who is only a couple weeks old. Yeah.

No fuck the baby!

Alice leaves the family after having a terrible vision and then a vampire that left the family, Irina, sees Bella, Jacob, and Renesmee, who is aging fast as hell, strolling and is all like “Ooh, I’m telling’!” and runs back to the Volturi. They are the old weird vampires that popped up in the other films. Irina says that they have made a child vampire which is bad. I shit you not there’s a scene where Dakota Fanning tosses a toddler into fire like it was a bag of chips. I laughed knowing I shouldn’t have. Now the Volturi are heading to the Cullen family to start some shit.

Ross Radio Show 132

In this episode of Ross Radio I play some remixes of classic Motown songs. Jackson 5 I Want You Back, Eddie Hendricks Keep On Truckin’, Undisputed Truth Smiling Faces, Marvin Gaye Let’s Get It On, Rick James Mary Jane, and Stevie Wonder Signed Sealed Delivered. Click here to download this and past Ross Radio Shows.

Theater Whore: A Royal Affair

Once again I went to the Sundance Theater up on Sunset. Me and Cam had been meaning to see a movie for a while and she keeps up on all the classy films that get awards unlike me who wants to see things based on how many explosions are in the trailer. Our choices were Flight and A Royal Affair and after watching the trailer for Flight I feel like I’ve seen the film so we chose the latter. So glad that we did since this was really good. I normally hate movies based around time periods where people wore way too many layers.

Too much!

A young girl, Caroline Mathilde, is heading to Denmark to become the new queen of King Christian VII. She has never met him and has heard all these stories of how cultured and handsome he is. She gets there and dude is hiding behind a tree acting like a total weirdo. And by weirdo I mean lunatic. He hates that everyone thinks she is so damned artsy when he is the real talented one. Caroline spends most of her time looking sad even after she has her first kid.

Whoopwhoopwhoopwhoopwhoop!

Elsewhere this guy Johann Friedrich Struensee, who I will just call Ze German from now on because fuck typing that name repeatedly, is brought in as part of a plan to influence this crazy ass king. The king likes him because he knows Shakespeare and everything gets better. The king stops acting as crazy. Yay.

Babbling Old Man: Bio Zombie

Beast Man and H. recommended that I watch this movie from the late 90’s made in China called Bio Zombie. Its about these two losers named Woody Invincible who is the smarter one I guess and Crazy Bee. They hang out at the mall fucking with different people when they’re not at work at the video store. Elsewhere these government agents are buying chemicals to make bio monsters for…I don’t know why they’re doing it. It’s a terrible idea.

Woody and Crazy Bee end up hitting an agent that has the chemicals and he asks for a soda, which the chemical looks like, and they give it to him and toss him in the trunk. He later gets out and starts turning everyone into zombies including the nice guy who likes this chick Rolls who was attacked by Woody and Crazy Bee when they stole her ring for cash.

"It's just a flesh wound..."

As they are in the mall stuck and gathering more people to try and get out it made me think of all my friends and people that think they’re my friends and how they would react in a zombie situation. The outlook was not good. I have friends that are afraid of bugs let alone bloodthirsty creatures. So there’s the two guys, two chicks, and a couple where the guy is a total dick to his wife. I wanted him to die so damned bad! They arm up and get ready to fight. They show these funny gaming type montages of each character and their skill level.

Theater Whore: The Man With The Iron Fists

The entry for the premise of The Man With The Iron Fists says “On the hunt for a fabled treasure of gold, a band of warriors, assassins, and a rogue British soldier descend upon a village in feudal China, where a humble blacksmith looks to defend himself and his fellow villagers.” This is a super lie. This is the tale of a man that wanted to see a movie about a man with iron fists and ended up watching a jumbled batch of nonsense about a guy that not only watches but helps a lot of terrible shit happen.

RZA wrote, directed, and starred in this movie. He shouldn’t have done any of these things. He’s a blacksmith in a small Chinese village where these multiple clans are fighting for gold and control. He makes weapons for both sides meanwhile he just wants to save enough money so he and his hooker girlfriend can move away and fuck in the forest in peace. It made me wonder “Is there such a place where you can be left alone?” I don’t think so. Just when you think you’re safe some asshole will jump out of a tree wearing wolf claws that were probably made by you.

DVDiculous: The Campaign

I finally decided to watch The Campaign after allowing my hatred of Casa De Mi Padre die down. You see, I like Will Ferrell. He’s a funny guy to me and I will watch almost anything with him in it. Zach Galifianakis on the other hand I can only take in very small doses. This movie has some parts that had me crack up laughing and others where I wished they would hurry up and start punching more babies. Yes, that happened in this movie. That baby got rocked! Ferrell plays Cam Brady who is running for Congress in North Carolina’s 14th District. He has won four times in a row and no one even goes up against him. He’s a total dick who sleeps around with any woman that looks at him. Oh, and he is married with two children as does Huggins.

After accidentally sending a voice message to thousands of homes instead of the woman he is sleeping with the Motch brothers played by John Lithgow and Dan Aykroyd decide to use a former Congressman’s son Marty Huggins to accomplish their goals of moving sweatshops from China to North Carolina to save on shipping costs.

They assign Tim Wattley played by Dylan McDermott to give Huggins a makeover. They get rid of their pugs because they’re Chinese and give them two Labradors. They give his wife a haircut and completely change the house. Wattley is one the best parts of the movie. He is a fucking lunatic. There's a scene where he catches the family having fun and has to shut that shit down.

Ross Radio Show 131

This is a four for four episode! The Gap Band You Dropped A Bomb On Me, Yearning For Your Love, Outstanding, and Early In The Morning. Earth Wind & Fire Fantasy, September, The Reasons, and That’s The Way Of The World. Marvin Gaye This Loved Starved Heart Of Mine, Sexual Healing, Inner City Blues, and Got To Give It Up. Rick James Dance Wit Me, Bustin’ Out, Super Freak, and Give It To Me Baby. Click here to download this and previous Ross Radio Shows.

Theater Whore: Skyfall

Dern dern! Dern-dern-dern! In case you didn’t know, that’s the sound of the James Bond theme when written. So I watched the latest Bond film Skyfall. I’ve enjoyed each of the previous Daniel Craig Bond films like Quantum Of Solace and Casino Royale. They were both really cool and entertaining except for that one scene where he gets his nuts slapped. That’s never cool. Skyfall wasn’t all that good. It starts off with a really cool chase in Turkey which is where Taken 2 took place and going based off that film you can do whatever the hell you want. Its like Vegas with more dirt and explosions.

If you're not sure you should take the shot...don't.

Bond and a field agent named Eve are chasing this dude that has a list of all the undercover agents working in terrorist groups. They fight on a train which leads to a crane being used to more fighting and Bond being shot by Eve on accident. He falls into the water and is presumed dead.

TV Slut: Mockingbird Lane

I’ve pointed out many times that I will openly complain about things without watching them. I decided last night to watch Mockingbird Lane after being super bothered just by the images and the small details I heard about it. They have it on NBC’s website to watch. Without commercials it had a running time of 40 minutes but they managed to make it feel like an hour and a half. That’s not a compliment.

I talked to The Munky about this show because she watched it when it aired. She said that this could’ve just been a whole new show without calling the characters Munster’s and it was true. This could’ve just been a new series that was just bad with a different title. Was the show funny? No. I didn’t laugh at anything. Was it scary? No. Everything that was supposed to be creepy wasn’t and the jumpscares were being sent by carrier pigeon. Was it dramatic? Not really. This show just…happened.

Insert Coin: Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles

“This was the first Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles video game, and is based on the 1987 TV series, which was in its third season at the time of the game's original release, although the art style more resembles the original comic series. The game was ported to various home computer platforms in 1990.” 

Back when I was around 10 I was all about the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. I watched the cartoon, I had the toys, and you better believe I played the videos games. At the arcade you could play as either Michelangelo, Raphael, Donatello, or Leonardo. I always picked Raphael because he was the coolest one. Oh, you don’t think so? Who’s better? Yeah. That’s what I thought. No one. The best thing about this was that you could play with all four of the turtles at the same time!

These four creatures come to save you the window becomes the safest option.

This came out the same year as NES released theirs. Now, I was excited as all get out to play this at home after I borrowed it from someone because my mother wasn’t even trying to buy me this shit for myself. Popped the game in and was kind of surprised at the graphics. Not in a good way.

Ross Radio Show 130

This is how I do it! Keith Sweat Make You Sweat, Al B. Sure Off On Your Own (Girl), Portrait Here We Go Again, Hi-Five Just Cant Handle It, Tony Toni Tone If I Had No Loot, Next Too Close, Johnny Gill Rub You The Right Way, Guy Groove Me, Shai Baby I’m Yours, Jodeci Come And Talk To Me, R. Kelly & Public Announcement Slow Dance, Montell Jordan This Is How We Do It, and Mark Morrison Return Of The Mack. Click here for this and previous Ross Radio Shows.

Stop It Nicki Minaj

You ever hear a musician or band that a lot of people like and you ask yourself “Is it just me or does this music suck?” Millions of people will buy their songs and pay good money to go to a concert and you slowly start to go crazy because its like you’re living your own personal version of They Live. You run around trying to get everyone to put on the glasses and next thing you know you’re fighting your best friend in an alley. To me, Nicki Minaj is the alien that no one else can see.

Nope. Nothing to see here. Just a normal musician...

I know that someone reading this is calling me a hater and they should stop because that term is old as hell. I remember when I first heard Minaj and I almost kicked my stereo in the face. “What is this audio abortion?! Egads! My ears! They bleed!” She does this weird thing where she talks all sweet and cute which I already hate and suddenly transforms into an enraged version of Sloth from Goonies. I’m sure it scares the children. You remember those cute little aliens in Galaxy Quest? Its like that. But worse. There is nothing hotter than a woman that can go from Bubbles from Powerpuff Girls to Batman in three seconds.

Gossip & Shit: November 1st 2012

Eddie Furlong aka the kid from Terminator 2 was arrested for assaulting his girlfriend. I met him once. Sold him poppers at the porn shop. Tiny fella. He‘s been released from jail now.

Gene Hackman bitch slapped a homeless dude after he approached them in a threatening manner and then called his wife a cunt. The homeless guy called the cops. Wait. What?!

Singer Ceelo has been accused of sexual battery. I hope this isn’t true because the image of him with his one foot arms trying to assault anyone is too damned bizarre to me.

George Lucas has sold all his shit including Star Wars to Disney. Thankfully I’m not a fan of the series otherwise I’d be concerned.