Best Series Of 2018

I think this year was the year of TV for me. Yes, that includes things that came on Netflix and Amazon. Actually that is all I mean because I don't watch regular TV unless there is a high speed chase or Cam calls me to laugh at people on The Antiques Roadshow. Otherwise everything is streamed. I know that there are a lot of shows debuting constantly so for me to want to sit and watch a series there are a few rules. I am not jumping in when there are already two or more seasons aired. I am not watching if it has more than twelve episodes in a season. And finally if the sound is so bad that I can't make it past the first minutes of the first episode. Yeah. That happened twice this year. So here is my list of five shows that I consider the Best Series Of 2018.

Worst Movies Of The Year 2018

2018 did not have a shortage of bad movies. I condensed this because while there were only seven Best Movies Of 2018 I could have had close to twenty bad ones. I decided to add Netflix movies because they are not straight up made for TV movies. They are for real big budget movies being made with actual actresses and actors so they made the cut...in terrible ways. Seriously, I have four movies from Netflix on this list. There were some ho-hum movies that weren't bad enough to make this list and some that were bad but they seemed like they at least tried so they didn't make it. These are my choices for Worst Movies Of The Year 2018. Don't forget that you are super free to disagree with me. The thoughts of some random ass dude you don't know shouldn't ruin your day. And don't read end of the year lists and complain about spoilers.

The Review: Hang Em High

Hang Em High 8/10

Last night I felt like watching something I have not seen. I started watching the Westworld movie from the 70's and stopped because I was bored. Same when I tried watching the series. It made me wanna watch a real Western so I watched Hang Em High starring Clint Eastwood. Holy shit this was good. I sound like one of those kids that just discovered Michael Jackson or Bruce Lee. This is a tale of revenge and you all know by now that if something is about revenge I am all up in it. This takes place in 1889. States ain't even all states yet. Eastwood as Jed Cooper is herding cattle when this group of guys roll up on him. They accuse him of murder and he explains that while he knows who they are talking about he did not steal his cattle or kill anyone. This is the 1800's and people barely knew how to act human let alone how justice worked so they end up hanging him and stealing his saddle.

Best Movies Of The Year 2018

This has been a really rough year for movies for Dante. Yeah, third person. Handle it. There were good movies at the start of the year and then a few at the end. I had hoped that most of my favorite movies would not just be superhero films but they just keep making good superhero films so they made my list. There have been some good TV shows and perhaps I'll make a list of some new and recent series I think you should check out. I know that it is getting close to that time of year where the Oscar films come out and it is always some true story I don't give a damn about or something about uplifting struggles. Fuck all that. I don't go to the movies for reality which is why BlacKkKlansman is not on here. Fuck the multiple endings to that movie and the news footage shown. There are a couple of movies like that one where my rating was not high enough to be the best and not low enough to be the worst. So here are in my opinion the Best Movies Of The Year 2018.

The Review: Deadly Class (Pilot)

Deadly Class 2/10

I saw an ad for this new series coming out called Deadly Class on SyFy. The first episode is available on Youtube so I figured I'd give it a shot. Didn't like it. I'll try and explain what the show seems to be about. A bunch of students are recruited to kill. I think. I am trying not to mix up what I saw and what I read it is supposed to be about from descriptions of the comic book it is based off of. This kid named Marcus Lopez Arguello who doesn't appear to be any of those names if you're picking up what I'm putting down lives in the streets. This show felt like I was watching a TV show version of Wanted and I hated that damned movie.

The Review: I Am Vengeance

I Am Vengeance 5/10

This was not a terrible movie. I knew that it was gonna be cheesy. I Am Vengeance is a title I cant ignore because I love stories about revenge. The closer you are to someone the harder the vengeance should be. Or, like, the death of a puppy you just got from your recently deceased wife! Monsters! Anyhoot, this stars Stu Bennett fka Wade Barrett. I want this guy to succeed in cinema. I watched his wrestling career, used to put him in the game before he was officially in it. This guy had a unique look and a great voice. Seriously, his voice sounds like something you'd hear before frogs started raining from the sky. So I added this to my Netflix list and watched this tonight while making Perler beads. Yeah. It is a hobby. Click here to see them.

The Review: Bird Box

Bird Box 1/10

This will be full of all the spoilers. What happens when you get John Malkovich, Machine Gun Kelly, and Lil Rel Howery in one room? Madcap adventures! I just finished watching Bird Box on Netflix starring Sandra Bullock and wow. This was pretty damned wack. I was intrigued by the posters for it I had seen and did not know what it was about or who all was in it until watching. At first I didn't even know Bullock was in it and got hesitant to give it a go which Cam made fun of me for. Other cast members include Trevante Rhodes, Jacki Weaver, Rosa Salazar, Danielle Macdonald, Tom Hollander, BD Wong, and Sarah Paulson. I also would not have watched this if I had known Susanne Bier directed it. I've seen Serena. Don't talk to me. I may make this sound more interesting than it is with my description. Like sex. That thing where you put the pee pee into the smoosh smoosh until bammy happens.

The Review: 2036 Origin Unknown

2036 Origin Unknown 3/10

Despite the low rating I am giving 2036 Origin Unknown this is not a terrible film. It is mostly just dull. An AI named ARTI voiced by Steven Cree is running things after a disastrous Mars landing years prior. Humans can't handle things properly so we have to leave it up to robots. Mackenzie Wilson played by Katee Sackhoff is on board this satellite station while talking to her sister who I suspected of being an AI herself. She wasn't. This is another person on board with Mackenzie named Sterling played by Ray Fearson and whenever he was on screen my brain shouted “Acting! I am acting! Look at me act!” It felt weird. A monolith is discovered on Mars that can teleport to Earth instantly and some light intrigue begins to happen. I would have liked to know more about these characters and the in between of that failed mission and this point but they somehow rush through this slow feeling movie and the actual answers are not that interesting. I was like “Okay. I guess.”

You Had One Job: Hellboy Reboot

This doesn't look right. Not just because Ron Perlman is not in it. The new Hellboy just does not look good. In photos that have been all dolled up? Sure. He's like the opposite of Fergie who I love moving but not in photos. This reboot of the Hellboy franchise just looks very not cool. I loved the first two films directed by Guillermo Del Toro with Perlman as Hellboy. It all seemed to work perfectly and looked amazing. I was not a fan of the Hellboy comics in any way. I knew who the character was and became a fan because of the previous films. The new trailer that came out the other day did not give me any goosebumps. That is a rating system I have. Like, the first Captain Marvel trailer did not give me goosebumps which worried me but then they released a second and it did. With this there will be no second trailer magic happening.

The Review: I'll Be Homeless For Christmas (2013)

I'll Be Homeless For Christmas HAHAHA/10

I just watched the best movie ever made and by the best I mean the worst and by the worst I mean the most hilarious. I'll Be Homeless For Christmas is one of the most thought provoking movies I have seen in my life. So many questions were asked! By the way, I do not watch holiday films. Cam does. We got off the phone and she called me up an hour later to discuss this gem of a movie and like the best friend that I am I made sure we watched the whole damn thing. By the time we were halfway in I knew we had to finish because it got funnier as it went on. And by funnier I mean more confusing. Here is the plot as written online for my own personal version of The Room.

The Review: Devilman Crybaby

Devilman Crybaby 9/10

I watched this insane ass anime on Netflix the other day. It is a ten part series called Devilman: Crybaby. I knew who Devilman was visually. I've seen the character for years but never read anything or watched anything with the character so while watching I didn't have anything to compare it to which I tend to like. Unless I go and ruin all that like I did by reading the Altered Carbon books after watching the series which made me post-dislike the entire show and made me wish it had not aired. But that's not what this is about. Devilman is about a kinda geeky kid named Akira Fudo and his friend he has not seen in years named Ryo Asuka. Ryo show sup out of nowhere flashing a machine gun and racing off with Akira telling him about his adventures in South America and how demons are a real thing and Akira has to help him stop them.

The Review: The Man With The Iron Fists 2

The Man With The Iron Fists Two 1/10

This movie was the hottest of garbage. I saw the first one and that was bad and saw on Starz that there was a sequel and decided that I didn't feel bad enough about myself and watched it. I mean...holy shit. This is really bad. It's worse than the first one because you can tell that they tried with this. What did they try? I'm not sure. RZA is barely in this and sadly even if he never appeared it would not have made a difference in the story. A village is controlled by a bad guy that needs to be beaten and RZA don't wanna fight until he does and people die and there is some golden nectar that is magical. This movie was all manner of shit and the only thing I liked was the music sometimes. I checked out the director and he is the master of making sequels no one asked for. The acting is bad, the fights stank, and the story was weak as green tea. And the fists looked like toys. They even had the nerve to threaten us with another film. I'm good.

Click here for previous The Review.

Gossip And Shit: 12/12/18

I know it has been a long ass time since I did one of these. I got burned out by celebrity gossip and the fact that almost anyone is a celebrity now so the timeline in regards to what to cover gets ridiculously watered down with people that are known for just being known. But I am back to be petty and messy as shit.

Nicki Minaj is staying in the news for the worst reasons. She is currently dating a guy she knew from back in the day who was convicted of first-degree rape when he was 16 and later for manslaughter. How he is out and free to bone down with a famous person is beyond my comprehension. How do you date a registered sex offender?! Nicki stated “He was 15, she was 16...in a relationship. But go awf, internet. y'all can't run my life. Y'all can't even run y'all own life. Thank you boo.”

I will not be talking about Cardi B or Tekashi69 because they have far too much bullshit in their lives to write about and they are garbage people.

One of the most beautiful women on the planet and UFC fighter Rachael Ostovich who was attacked by her husband who is also a fighter and suffered a broken orbital bone among other injuries is still scheduled to fight at an upcoming UFC card. The insane fucking thing is that the UFC is debuting former NFL player Greg Hardy who was convicted for domestic abuse on the same night. Ostovich's husband Arnold Berdon has been charged with second degree attempted murder. They have a five year old daughter.

The Review: Happy!

Happy! 9/10

Tonight I finished watching this crazy ass series called Happy! that aired on Syfy...which means I did not watch it until it was on Netflix. This show is insane in the best of ways. I won't even say that there will be spoilers because I doubt I can even recap this show properly. It stars Christopher Meloni as a former police detective named Nick Sax. I say former because now he is a hitman. A very good one. He drinks too much, does too many drugs, has heart problems, and no one likes him. Cops and bad guys hate him but some of the bad guys have a weird form of respect for him. This is based off of a comic book (that I did not know existed) so the things that happen, like the violence, are very graphic. So graphic that it is cartoonish.

You Had One Job: Netflix Cancels Daredevil

I really don't like talking about studios. When I see a movie I want to just see the movie and afterward when reading about it then I can see what hand a studio had in the movie and why things made no sense. Streaming services are studios. They make full on movies and TV shows and have the ability to give and take away as they please. The Netflix series Daredevil has been canceled and I'm not super upset because the third season was actually really good and I felt fine with the way it ended. I didn't say to myself “Damn, I can't wait for this to return!” because shows these days just keep cranking out no matter how I feel about them. So I am not upset Daredevil is leaving Netflix. I am bothered by the fact that if I wanted to check out another possible season or a bunch of Marvel based movies and series I'd have to get another streaming service.

The Review: Big Mouth Season 2

Big Mouth Season Two 10/10

I do not use the phrase undeniable often but the show Big Mouth is undeniably funny. I laughed so long and hard at some jokes I had to rewind parts of episodes to hear what they said again. I did not think that this would be able to be better than the first season and even held back on getting started because I was pre-disappointed. Jasmine suggested I watch it after she was already deep into it and I did and immediately laughed like a fool. This season actually picks up from where the previous left off which surprised me. They managed to continue developing previous characters, going deeper into others that did not get a lot last season, and introducing more in a way that did not feel crowded.

The Review: Passengers

Passengers 0/10

Join me on a horror film where a man gets so desperate for company that he chooses to spend the rest of his life with Jennifer Lawrence! I'm kidding but not really. I just finished watching Passengers. This movie was gar-bahj. Dead serious. I already knew a lot about this before watching and thought it could not be as bad as I'd heard. It was worse. This was way worse than I thought. This is about 5,000 people and 258 crew members so miserable on Earth that they plan to move to a new planet called Homestead II and work shit out there. This trip takes 120 years so fuck you anyone that you knew back on Earth. One day Jim Preston played by Chris Pratt gets woken from his pod and stumbles around thinking everything is fine until he realizes that he's the only one awake. Turns out his ass woke up only 30 years into the trip. Uh-oh. What's a guy to do?!

The Review: Mandy

Mandy 9/10

This will be full of spoilers. Today I got to watch the movie Mandy with B&H. Holy shit this movie is insane. I was sitting here trying to figure out how to even write a review for it because this movie has such a simple plot but is full of so many insane visuals it feels silly to sit here and try to write it out. This guy Red Miller played by Nic Cage and his girlfriend Mandy Bloom played by Andrea Riseborough live out in the middle of nowhere in the early 80's. They are living their odd but simple life when one day while walking this creepy ass group of people pass her in their van and their leader Jeremiah Sand spots her and becomes immediately obsessed. He sends the spooky old lady from his group called the Children of the New Dawn to check Mandy out before later that night kidnapping her.

The Review: Life

Life 3/10

In space everyone screams like a bitch. I just watched the movie Life and like with most films about space it seems to have a lot of smart people making bad decisions to move the story along. I have listened to interviews with astronauts and just to get the chance to get on a ship requires a ton of smarts and work. You can't just be like “I wanna go to the spaces!” and they slap a suit on your and next thing you know you're propelling yourself in zero gravity with the power of pee thrust. This movie stars Jake Gyllenhaal, Rebecca Ferguson, Ryan Reynolds, Hiroyuki Sanada, Ariyon Bakare, and Olga Dihovichnaya. If only you could see how much red was in my spell check right now.

The Review: The Equalizer 2

The Equalizer 2 DNF/10

Normally when I start a movie and then stop it I do not write reviews. DNF means Did Not Finish. I tried and failed to watch movies like Shimmer Lake, Suburbicon, as well as Cargo and after maybe 10-20 minutes I tapped out. But since I watched one hour of Equalizer 2 starring Denzel Washington I felt that I was punished enough and could write at least why I did not finish it. After one hour that felt like two already and knowing I had one more to go I had to give up on this. The story was not interesting at all and when there were threats of a good time being had by me it would slam on its brakes for some boring story development that I just did not give a damn about. I did not care about anyone in this movie! I don't care about the guy painting the building. The old man. I didn't even care about the old teammate that was attacked in her place! Who are you people?!

The Review: Ash Vs Evil Dead Season 3

Ash Vs. Evil Dead Season Three 6/10

My best friend Cam accidentally got Starz and by accident I mean that Amazon is up to some sneaky nonsense and everyone should check their accounts. I saw that they had Ash Vs. Evil Dead on there and it took me a week to notice that they had all three seasons. I loved season one. Loved season two. Season three...not so much. It felt like they were trying to do too much with the small amount of time they have. Most shows have twenty episodes or more person season and forty some odd minutes with commercials and such. This show is half an hour each and ten episodes.

The Review: Rough Night

Rough Night 1/10

I laughed during one scene when some guys were buying adult diapers in slow motion. It wasn't really a laugh so much as a smile with sound. Rough Night stars Scarlett Johansson, Zoë Kravitz, Kate McKinnon, Jillian Bell, and Ilana Glazer. I enjoy four of those five people and while I didn't expect this to be an incredible film or anything I did not think this would be as lame as it was. This is not a funny movie but should have been. It felt like everyone was just acting out scenes and not really committed. Five friends from college get together for a bachelorette party an end up killing a guy and trying to get rid of his body and alleged funny ensues. Everyone is exactly what you think they are from being introduced. The mother getting divorced will hook up with her ex girlfriend from college. The one running for senate will win. The party girl will fuck up and because she is heavier will take the brunt of punishment. I'm sure it was fun to make this movie and be on set but it did not translate to film well. This was a straight up waste of time.

Click here for previous The Review.

Casting Slouch: Jack Reacher Series

Saints be praised! The author of Jack Reacher, Lee Child, does not want Tom Cruise back to reprise the role. Know why? He short. I know that sounds fucked up but hear me and the author out. I liked the first Jack Reacher movie and the second stunk to high hell. I have read a few of the Reacher books and I could not finish (I have three of them near my door on the shelf) because when I read them all I picture is Cruise and if you have read the books it does not fit. I know that in translations of books or comics or whatever that characters can have their races, genders, and everything else changed. But with the Reacher character his size is such an important aspect of him that having a 5 foot 7 Cruise play him is ridiculous. Not to say that people of that height can not kick every inch of my ass because people like Demetrious Johnson exist. But Cruise is not Reacher. I saw the movie before I read the books so I just accepted that until reading the books and him using his intimidating size against opponents or diffusing situations with it.

The Review: The Ballad of Buster Scruggs

The Ballad of Buster Scruggs 7/10

I didn't even know this movie was a thing that was happening let alone available on Netflix because I would've easily seen this in theaters. This Cohen Brothers movie The Ballad Of Buster Scruggs is a series of six shorts films that are not really connected but tied together by being in a book. Some stories seem longer than others and while none of them are bad the longest one was the least interesting to me which is why I didn't rate this higher.

The Ballad of Buster Scruggs

This one stars Tim Blake Nelson as Buster Scruggs. He is a cheerful ass cowboy that is riding his horse through canyons and into a town just singing his heart out. I didn't know if the whole movie was gonna be like this but I wouldn't have been mad if it were. This was by far my favorite story in the film. He is super nice and polite but explains that he is an outlaw. He heads into a bar where he is turned down for a drink because of how he looks and gets into it with another patron. It was one of the funniest death scenes I'd seen in a long time and I rewound it and cracked up even harder. After singing about killing dude the dead guys brother shows up and challenges Buster to a duel and ends up having every finger shot off one by one. Buster is then challenged to a duel by another guy that shows up playing a harmonica. I loved the weirdness of this short story and would watch an entire series based on this guy.

Theater Whore: Everybody Knows

Everybody Knows 8/10

I was gonna do a long ass review of this movie Everybody Knows that I saw at AFI with Koko this week but after seeing that it does not come out until early next year I'm gonna write a short one that does not spoil anything really. This stars Penelope Cruz and Javier Bardem as Laura and Paco. Laura goes to visit her home town for her sister's wedding along with her other sister and two kids. As soon as they arrive and the daughter is let loose I was like “This girl gonna end up dead.” She isn't like a stupid teenager like in most films, but she is dangerous and thinks everything she does is cute and funny. I shit you not, at one point she hits this boy with a dead, dusty ass bird and giggles. I was like “That ain't cute!” A few days later during the evening of the wedding she ends up being kidnapped and shit gets super real from that point on.

Theater Whore: Ash Is Purest White

Ash Is Purest White 9/10

Last week I saw Ash Is Purest White with Cam. This movie was great. Filmed over seventeen years from 2001 to 2017 but has an actual story unlike Boyhood. I'll never forgive that movie for being such garbage. Anyhoot, the good movie we saw was at the AFI festival. It is about a mobster, or jianghu as they call it, and his lady. Zhao Tao stars as Qiao and she is loving the night life with her dude and he has dreams of more money and power. Liao Fan plays Bin her boyfriend.

Theater Whore: Widows

Widows 3/10

Tonight at AFI with Koko we saw two movies. One of them was Widows starring everybody and their mama. This movie was like having every ingredient needed to bake a cake and ending up with candy corn. I don't know what the hell happened. Full disclosure, I saw the trailer for this a few months back and thought it was a joke. I did not think this was an actual thing that was being made so I did not have high hopes for enjoying it. But then as the movie started I got all kinds of happy seeing who was in it. “They got Punisher in this shit?! And Liam Neesons?! Michelle Rodriguez aka Wife #3 and Viola Davis aka Wife #5?!” Suddenly I was very interested in this movie. Hell, a lot of the cast and the director Steve McQueen were even there. I live down the street from Hollywood. Be all kinds of jealous. I'm just saying. So in the Mann's Chinese Theater or whatever they call it now with 900 mutants we watched what ended up being a clusterfuck of a movie.

The Review: Collateral

Collateral 3/10

I watched this series on Netflix called Collateral. There are over twenty characters which would be fine if there were 1 episodes or something. But there are four. In four episodes they have to squeeze in all these people, their stories, their history, and do some detecting at the same time. It did not work. The basic story is that a pizza boy gets shot after delivering pizza and the next thing you know there is this giant web of deceit. I shit you not, I can barely even recall what was trying to be stopped. I thought maybe some drug thing. But then there is a soldier with PTSD that ends up raped by a commanding officer. A pregnant cop played by Carey Mulligan. A partner that yells at her. A detention camp. A baby birth. Some bad dudes killing potential witnesses. A priest that is gay and harboring a Vietnamese woman that she is in love with. An alcoholic drug using mother played by Billie Piper. By the way, all these people are connected in some way. Its pretty ridiculous.

The Review: Bodyguard

Bodyguard 10/10

This show should have been called Ha! You're Wrong A Lot! This is going to be full of spoilers! Jesus, I had to take a deep breath after watching Bodyguard on Netflix. This is a six part BBC series which I love. If a show now has more than 12 episodes in a season chances are I'm not gonna give it a try because these shows that have less are keeping it nice and tight with stories and such when there are so few episodes to work with. This stars Richard Madden who I did not even recognize from Game Of Thrones as Police Sergeant David Budd. He is a British war vet and is suffering from all kinds of PTSD related issues. There is also Keeley Hawes as The Right Honorable Julia Montague, the Home Secretary, Conservative MP for Thames West which is a long ass title that can easily be shortened.

The Review: Status Update

Status Update 6/10

The other day I watched this movie called Status Update with B&H. This stars Ross Lynch as this kid named Kyle that moves into a new town in Arizona from California. So of course he had this bleach blond hair and is accused of smelling like avocado. When he arrives immediately people shit on him. He gets picked on by jocks. The teacher is movie rude to him. In reality this guy would have draws raining down on him like confetti based on how he looks but he has to be picked on. He lives with his mom, sister, and grandfather that seems to always be on the shitter and getting walked in on. One day one of the jocks breaks his phone and he heads to a mall to get it fixed by this weird ass dude that I know from the internet. He unlocks this app called Universe where when he updates his status (get it?!) it will come true. It is like a genie.

The Review: Badder Ben

Badder Ben 6/10

This one was made for the fans. So today B&H decided that I had to watch the sequel to Bad Ben called Badder Ben. I didn't know how they could make a sequel based on how the last one ended. This team of researchers or something decide that they need to record some ghostly and spooky stuff and gather all the video from the first film where that poor dude Tom Riley got his ass kicked by Ben. Turns out that he survived and they even manage to use facial recognition to track him down because even though he was attacked more than any human in existence by a ghost he still has to play the lottery. They pay him some cash and decide that they need to make Ben appear.

The Review: The Chilling Adventures Of Sabrina Chapters 3-4

Click here for reviews of Episodes 1 and 2. There will be spoilers.

Chapter Three: The Trial of Sabrina Spellman

So after Sabrina fucked off her dark baptism she and her family have to deal with the repercussions. She is being sued by Blackwood for breaking her contract with the dark lord. Her aunts end up having their powers taken away and one of them has a tooth fall out and they are both aging rapidly. She wants to hire this lawyer that has experience with working supernatural trials and he turns her down until he looks at a picture of his daughter who is dead. Meanwhile Madam Satan aka a school official is fucking with things behind the scenes. I know I don't keep mentioning her much but I'm not trying to make these long. Sabrina ends up finding out that this same lawyer got a lot of terrible people off during trials and he explains that after a deal with the devil he could not lose a trial and one of the guys killed his daughter. Whomp whomp. He feels bad and will not represent Sabrina at trial.

The Review: The Chilling Adventures Of Sabrina Chapters 1-2

There will be spoilers as I go along. So I started watching the Netflix series The Chilling Adventures Of Sabrina at the recommendation of H. I was on the fence about it. I used to watch the original series on TV that starred Melissa Joan Hart. I've had a crush on that woman since Clarissa Explains It All. Leave me alone. I decided to watch the first two episodes of this and will keep on watching unless it starts to stink. So far with the first two episodes I am impressed. The special effects are way better than I expected and even the relationship between Sabrina played by Kiernan Shipka and her boyfriend is not as bad as I thought it'd be.

So far my favorite character is Chance Perdomo as Ambrose Spellman who on the Wikipage says is pansexual and I'm like “I don't give a fuck who anyone likes” so I hope that doesn't become some big part of this series. I also like the cat Salem and how he was introduced. Creepy as shit. What I do not like right now is the music. It is always some song relating to magic or darkness which is immediately cheese balls to me. They did that on that show Lucifer and I would roll my eyes so far back I'd see my childhood and run outside to an ice cream truck that was not there. And Jaz Sinclair as her best friend Rosalind “Roz” Walker made me pause the episode because she looked familiar. Turns out she was in that terrible movie When The Bough Breaks. She also looks way too old to be around these kids. It's not even her height. Not her fault everyone is tiny. She just looks like an adult.

Casting Slouch: Rachael Ostovich as Wonder Woman

I continue to recast the DC films. I already did Batman and Superman and now it is time to tackle Wonder Woman. There was the old Wonder Woman series with Lynda Carter and as far as looks go and having the character of what I'd like Wonder Woman to be she is the best. After that there was the terrible ass TV show they attempted. If you have not watched it you can find it online just to laugh at what they thought could pass as a watchable show. On the Justice League cartoon series they did a really good job of showcasing her. I want to figure out a way to make her character not come across as weak as she has been portrayed at times or as bland as she was in the Wonder Woman movie. Seriously. She was pretty lame.

Theater Whore: Halloween

Halloween 2/10

This will be full of spoilers. Forget everything you think you know about Halloween and all its various reboots and rewriting of history. Also forget to enjoy yourself because this movie is not good. I'm not even comparing it to the other films because I have vague recollections of those and no serious attachment to them. I thought this trailer looked cool and decided to check it out and ended up finishing and going “Wow. That was a waste of time.” With a horror movie I can watch and enjoy them for a lot of reasons. Because the kills are creative. Because they are unintentionally funny. Because they scared me. Because they were shot well. I don't have any of that to say about this movie. Hell, even the way the movie looked and the camera moved felt like a TV show. It had no flavor to it which sucks.

The Review: Castlevania Season 2

Castlevania Season Two 2/10

While I really enjoyed the first season of Castlevania this second season was boring as hell. Most of it was a series of vampires trying to out-cool one another and the “good guys” are sitting in a library collecting information. This is just an animated series of gore, random cursing, and a story that I can not be bothered to even write about. The sound editing was terrible. I don't pay too much attention to this when it is done well. It blends in and I don't think about it but in this series the sound comes across as empty or feeling like someone is just going “Sword sound. Sword sound. Grunt. Clink.” This was just not entertaining at all. Just a bunch of nonsense that wasn't worth being made.

Click here for previous The Review.

Casting Slouch: Jon Hamm as Batman

I am back again to casting movies because I have a lot of free time and like telling silly studios how to do their job properly...meaning how I want it. This time I am casting the next Batman movie and for this movie I will be using Jon Hamm. For anyone that thinks that Jon Hamm can not be scary just watch him in Baby Driver. He is one of those actors that looks one way but can act another which I love. I thought he only did things like drama and was funny in interviews but his few scenes in Bridesmaids had me cracking up. There is a lot I like about this guy and I am gonna explain why I think he could be the perfect Batman and what the story should and shouldn't have.

The Review: Who Shot The Sheriff?

Who Shot The Sheriff? 7/10

Before I watched this documentary on Netflix called Who Shot The Sheriff?: The Bob Marley Story I knew very little about Bob Marley. Like the bare minimum. I knew some of his songs, where he was from, and that he had a lot of kids. That's about it. I had no idea of the impact he had on people. Not like the impact that famous people these days have where it sticks around in the form of clothing and music style and way of speaking but in terms of serious political movements. This is not the Kanye/Trump level bullshit I'm talking about either. This dude had real power and people tried to use him in ways that were not fair to one human being.

The Review: Texas Chainsaw Massacre

Texas Chainsaw Massacre 7/10

Today I got to watch Texas Chainsaw Massacre with B&H during a double feature of horror films aka Dante Talks For An Hour And A Half. This movie was not as violent or bloody as I was expecting. Hell, only one person got chopped with a chainsaw and he deserved it. I have seen versions of this series of movies but never the original so this was all new to me even though it came out half a decade before I was born. This group of losers is heading to this small town to see if the grave of a couple of 'ems grandfather got dug up because some nut is digging up graves and taking body parts. This is an old horror movie so you actually want people someone to survive whereas in the horror movies of today they make every an asshole and you just wanna see how creatively they can be killed.

The Review: Bad Ben

Bad Ben 8/10

Another week another horror movie with B&H. This time we watched a movie from 2016 called Bad Ben. I'd never heard of this festival of nonsense but I am so glad I watched it. It only cost a few hundred bucks and was filmed in the writer and directors house named Nigel Bach. He plays a guy named Tom Riley who bought a place from a sheriff's sale and wants to flip it and sale it. He is the only person in the movie and the only voice you hear and you will laugh at his voice often. When he says “Goddammit!” you will too. He looks around the house and finds things like crosses and bibles which he promptly tosses in the trash. He leaves and comes back and furniture is moved around. He thinks someone is doing this and activates a series of cameras in every part of the house along with filming it himself on his phone.

Casting Slouch: Armie Hammer as Superman

I'm tired of DC playing games with their shitty ass movies. Yeah. Everyone talks about how bad the movies are and that if you hate them that you are a Marvel fanboy. Shut up. Just because you like garbage doesn't mean everyone else has to. I like good shit. I even like bad good shit. I don't like bad shitty shit like the DC movies. I re-watched Wonder Woman recently and realized that it sucked. Yeah, it's better than Batman V. Superman. Know what else was better than that movie? A banana I had for breakfast this morning. That potassium filled yellow wang from nature gave me more pleasure than BVS. How was Wonder Woman any better than Man Of Steel, Justice League, or BVS? It starred a lady. That's pretty much it. The story was not good. Gal Gadot is not what I'd call a competent actress. She has the same facial expression when she first meets a male, blocks bullets with her bracelets, and when she defeats Ares.

There. I just destroyed your hero. With this Casting Slouch series I try to take bad and make it good...er. I want to recast Superman, Wonder Woman, and Batman. From scratch. No connection to the other films at all. These will not be origin stories. Fuck that. With each of these I will explain the story that I'd like to see and why as well as what should not be seen and barely even talked about. Let's see how bad I am at this.

The Review: Daredevil Season 3

Daredevil Season 3 – 9/10

There will be spoilers. Hot off the heels of the cancellation of Luke Cage and Iron Fist the writers of Daredevil season three were like “Fuck it, let's make this even better than the first season and pretend that the half decent second season didn't happen!” Seriously. Cam asked me if she needed to watch the second season to watch this and I said that she could watch the Netflix recap and be fine. You don't have to watch any of the spin off shows either. That Elektra stuff was boring and terrible and dragged Daredevil down while the Punisherstuff was awesome as all get out. I was worried about this since the second season of all these Marvel shows find ways to be horrible but they somehow found a way to get me to watch this entire seasons in less than twenty four hours. Did it need thirteen episodes? No. Did I like every episode? No. I'll get to the one I didn't enjoy soon enough. Though this season was not perfect it did more to develop every character on screen and flesh out their stories in ways I could not predict.

You Had One Job: Netflix Cancels Iron Fist/Luke Cage

This is not a race issue. It's a garbage ass series issue. It is being reported that both Iron Fist and Luke Cage have been canceled from Netflix and I am totally fine with that. Hell, they can toss in Jessica Jones in there if they want and I wouldn't mind. I thoroughly enjoyed the first season of Luke Cage and was very excited when I heard a second was being made...until I watched it. That second season was nothing like the first. The acting dropped. The music felt forced. It ended in such a way that it felt as if they did not even want a third season to happen. Hell, with the way he was acting The Defenders was pretty much dead in the water. There are some things you can not come back from even as a hero.