Upcoming Marvel Studio Films Excitement Levels

Marvel Studios just released a list of their upcoming films which is called Phase 3. With a total of nine films that seems like quite a bit but DC released a list of ten (click here to read that) so it doesn't seem quite as bad particularly when you take into account that DC is stretching with some of their choices. Meanwhile Marvel has me either confused or excited about theirs.

Marvel has their movies coming out at an alarming rate once they are released which seems to be cramming as much in as they can. This can be good if you are a fan or have lots of money but bad if you don't or have no back story on some of the characters. As much shit as I talk about DC for making an Aquaman film starring a guy that has the acting skills that border on Klingon, people still know who the hell Aquaman is.

SAW Is The Best Horror Franchise

I was watching a show where they asked what the best horror movie franchise was and they gave answers like Friday The 13th, Halloween, and Nightmare On Elm Street. Now while those films do have some good parts to them, for the most part they are ass. I'm not apologetic for this and have some respect for the characters seeing as how I have used all of them in my Doom Mates series.

But as I sat here and really gave it some thought I realized that my favorite horror franchise was Saw. There have been seven Saw films the last being Saw 3D. For people that have not seen these movies they think it is just about a killer that puts people into traps that are disgusting and kills them. While that does happen the main point of these films are righting wrong, revenge, and learning to appreciate life.

Theater Whore: Left Behind

Left Behind 2/10

Goddamn it! I was tricked into watching a Christian film! I'm not saying all of them are bad. But this one, Left Behind, is so bad that it is funny, then its not, then I laughed again, then I got mad, then I laughed that kinda laugh you hear in asylums from the early 1900's. That long, cackling, not enough oxygen to the brain laughs.

I wanted to see this because I love a good end of the world movie. They usually teach me what not to do. This movie teaches you that if you sin by cheating, gambling, being Muslim, of have Alzheimer's that you will be left behind when The Rapture happens. Nic Cage plays an asshole father/husband pilot name Rayford Steele that sleeps with the stewardess because you gotta get some stank on your hang low where you can.

Nothing But Gossip October 24th 2014

Kat Von D's tattoo shop caught fire causing damage to her shop as well as the barbershop next door. I have passed that place a ton of times. That intersection is known for car accidents. That barbershop is smart and have meta posts because cars love flying through there. I'm gonna blame that Thai pace next door. Remember you read that here first. She went off on reporters and camera people at the scene.

Actor Stephen Collins is upset that since the audio recording of him admitting to molesting children came out her can't get work. Whah! I'm a rapist that can't find a job! Whah!

Chris Brown has had his community service upped to four days a week at 8 hours each. He should be done by the start of next year...and months later you know his ass will be in trouble again.

Avengers: Age Of Ultron Trailer Review

The new trailer for the movie Avengers: Age Of Ultron came out yesterday and I clapped like a little schoolgirl. Apparently it was leaked because I saw on the latest episode of Marvel: Agents Of SHIELD that it would debut next week. Thankfully I didn't have to wait because after the episode I have decided not to watch either for a while or never again. I'll talk about that show jumping the shark some other time.

Marvel has officially loaded the trailer online and as of this writing it has almost 20 million views. Maybe half that number would've watched the show next week to see the trailer. Sucks to be them. Anyhoot, the trailer looked incredible. But after watching it and seeing how bad ass Ultron looked I asked myself “Uh...who the hell is Ultron?” To the internets!

“Ultron is a fictional character, a supervillain that appears in comic books published by Marvel Comics. Though he has been used as an antagonist for many heroes, he is most recognized as a foe of the Avengers, and has a quasi-familial relationship with several of their members, especially his creator Hank Pym. He was the first Marvel Comics character to wield the fictitious metal alloy adamantium.”

Theater Whore: Birdman

Birdman 10/10

There will be some spoilers so if you hate that kinda thing why are you reading a movie review? Don't be weird. I was trying to figure out if I should give this a 9 or a 10. If I say a movie is a 10 that means that I left the theater feeling happy that films exist. After seeing Birdman or (The Unexpected Virtue of Ignorance) this morning I could not think of one reason why not to give it a 10 and realize that this was one of the strangest and original films I've seen. I wasn't sure of what to expect from this exactly. An action film about a washed up superhero trying to recapture his glory? Yeah. That's what I thought it would be about.

It wasn't.

Theater Whore: Gone Girl

Gone Girl 8/10

There will be spoilers! I finally got around to watching Gone Girl. I didn't know much about the movie except that Ben Affleck's dick was involved and that there was some missing woman. So I finally left the house and checked out this movie that people are saying is incredible.

Affleck plays Nick Dunne who is a guy that finds out that his wife Amy played by Rosamund Pike is missing. At first he doesn't seem all that worried, but later on everything he does makes it look like he is guilty of something. Everything. The way he smiles when his mother and father-in-law are at a rally to look for Amy. Pictures he takes with people. The way he talks. Everything screams “I did it!” At this point you really don't know if he did or not.

DVDiculous: The Heat

I decided to watch The Heat after watching just the first few minutes last year, having a friend tell me she liked it in theaters, and my cousin recently bringing it up. It stars Sandra Bullock as FBI Special Agent Sarah Ashburn who is a tightass no one likes. Melissa McCarthy plays Boston Detective Shannon Mullins who is the same character she plays in every other film just more violent. This was done by a director who'd done movies I laughed at before so I wasn't too worried about that. The first few scenes I had seen before made me laugh.

Upcoming DC Films Excitement Levels

DC Films has released a list of ten upcoming films. Some of these are really worth being excited about while others are highly questionable. If you're not a fan of superheroes you are gonna hate the next 15 years of movies and television because the market is seriously being flooded with them. The problem with some of these is that the latter ones seem to depend on the success of the former.

Sony, that own the Marvel character Spiderman had set up for a Sinister Six movie but after the way the second film of the reboot did that idea has seemed to go away for now. I can easily see the same happening with some of these.

Babbling Old Man: Boss Ni**er

Sometimes known as The Boss, Boss, or the movie I add asterisks to, Boss Ni**er is a Blacksploitation written, produced, and starring former NFL player Fred Williamson as Boss Ni**er. His partner is Amos played by D'Urville Martin who directed Dolemite. This movie had no right to be as good as it was. I was expecting to laugh my ass off at how bad it was, but it is really a well made and directed movie.

The director Jack Arnold has directed classic movies like Creature From The Black Lagoon, and The Incredible Shrinking Man as well as the TV shows The Fall Guy, The Brady Bunch, Gilligan's Island, and Wonder Woman. This makes a huge difference. I know there are far more popular Westerns like anything with Clint Eastwood or even the classic Django. But this blew that movie out of the water. Even the fact that n-bombs are dropped constantly and the music is straight up funk, it is still good.

DVDiculous: Welcome To The Punch

I heard about this movie while watching an interview called Welcome To The Punch and decided to check it out because of the title and because Mark Strong is who I would want to be if I were brought back to life as a White guy. He just looks badass. This is about a detective in England named Max Lewinsky played by James McAvoy chasing after a criminal named Jacob Sternwood played by Strong. And then the story starts to fall apart after that.

During a heist Strong shoots McAvoy in the leg making him miserable. He is the one that got away. Strong comes back after years away when his son is caught up in some shit that ends up making a 90 minute film seem like two hours. The first scene is cool with the heist and watching McAvoy obsess over catching Strong. But then it turns out that everyone that has a shadow is dirty and it is just a cliché movie that wastes two awesome ass guys. Lots of great actors in this actually but for nothing. This could've been an awesome movie with some trimming and rewrites. Then I noticed it was written and directed by the same person and sighed.

Click here for previous DVDiculous. 

Demand It!: The After

While checking for something to watch after seeing The Avengers for the 8th time I stumbled across a show called The After. It was created by Chris Carter of X-Files fame for Amazon in the hopes of being voted for and picked up as a series. This is the story of a bunch of people trying to survive...something. I'm not quite sure what the hell happened to the city (maybe the world) but whatever it is, shit's wrecked.

So many spoilers.

It starts off with this married mother going to an audition. On the way out she gets stuck in an elevator with a gay clown, an asshole with an accent, an old lady, and a cop. The elevator gets stuck and they eventually are able to escape. They end up in a parking lot where they are joined by an asshole lawyer and some chick he is boning.

Theater Whore: Dracula Untold

Dracula Untold 3/10

This is one of those movies where I know what they were going for but between the bad directing and the terrible writing it stood no chance. Luke Evans stars as Vlad III Țepeș, the son of Vlad the Impaler. He has a kingdom that is attacked and he visits a monster that gives him the power to become a stronger warrior. Of course that means becoming a vampire, or Dracula. Bleh! He dies and has a Nine Inch Nails dream before awakening stronger. He fights and every fighting visual effect occurs. You want slow motion, rotating cameras, and blurry vision, you got it! Dominic Cooper shows up and is once again wasted. Dude is a great actor! And why is it the tougher the warrior to bigger the wuss his kid is? 

You Had One Job: Powers Series On PS4

I tend to be far more harsh when it comes to a TV series or movie based off of comic books. The reason being there is usually years worth of information already in print and drawn for these “creators” and writers of the series to gather information for. It seems like it would be far easier to work with something when you already have a finished product in front of you. Just take what you see and do it using real people.

Of course I know that is not realistic and if you made things exactly like the comic book no one would take them close to serious (Sin City) or they would be broke after the first episode. So I slide towards the look. Wanting characters to at the very least look like they did in the comic books. But you couldn't even do that, could you Powers?

Theater Whore: Automata

Automata 2/10

Well...that was a movie. Automata is about a guy that works for a robotics company that is trying to figure out why they are acting in ways they shouldn't. It looked like it would be a cool movie from the trailer but, wow, this movie was dull. If it were a show you wouldn't watch it. It just drags, is far too predictable, and there is nothing original about it. It stars Antonio Banderas, Dylan McDermott, and Melanie Griffith who stops in for some coffee. This movie is an idea that cold have been made but not executed. The director and writers (which he was one of) had nothing to say.

Click here for previous Theater Whore. 

Spoiler Alert: American Horror Story Freak Show "Monsters Among Us" Episode

I knew as soon as I found out that this new season of American Horror Story: Freak Show was gonna involve the circus that it would be honked up. Oh, they did not disappoint. The show starts off with the world's bravest milkman finding a dead body of an old lady and investigating. Investigating! He heads upstairs and starts screaming at something, or someone, he finds upstairs. Then we get the creepy ass new theme song.

In a hospital a patient is being kept secret. Elsa Mars play be Jessica Lange shows up and mesmerizes one of the nurses and heads into the room. She finds conjoined twins played by Sarah Paulson named Bette and Dot Tattler. Let me add that I love how this show uses the same characters but has them play different people so you can watch any season and not be left out. Elsa knows that the twins are hiding something. They can speak to each other telepathically and one is mean and the other too sweet. Or so it seems.

You Had One Job: Marvel's Beast In Film

You know what's always bugged me? The way Beast was handled in the X-Men films. When those Origin films came out it was the perfect chance to clear up the mess they had made out of the other films. Admit it. The X-Men films have been pretty shitty. Don't let the fact that a couple of scenes were cool fool you. They have been bad.

Pictured up there is Beast as he originally appeared in the Marvel comics. He was a strangely built guy with agility. He later got the blue fur that we've grown accustomed to and has been that way ever since except for that time where he was drawn looking more like a kitty cat. The Beast that I am most comfortable with is the one from the animated series. He was the one I'd seen the longest and had the perfect voice for the character.

All Grown An' Shit 5

A few hours ago I was just sitting here doing what I normally do when home alone. Watching Youtube, writing, eating cereal, or wondering why girls don't like me. Then all of a sudden I thought of an actress that I used to have a hardcore crush on when I was a kid. Her name is Ebonie Smith. Most people know her from The Jefferson's, Gimme A Break, of the youngest daughter in Lethal Weapon. I first saw her on TV and immediately fell in love. Yeah. It was that easy when I was young.

I remember thinking that she looked like a lot of girls I liked at the time which meant I would have no chance with her. One day years ago I'm watching Family Matters, like I do, and she pops up on the screen with Cherie Johnson wearing cheerleader outfits. I had to leave the room for a moment. It was just too much for me.

Ross Radio Quickie Show 16

Felt like playing a bunch of DMX songs. I play What's My Name, X Gon' Give It To You, Its All Good, Get It On The Floor, and Where The Hood At. Click here for this and previous Ross Radio Quickie Shows.

Porn Parodies Shame Studios

Quinno sent me a picture showing each version of Quicksilver that has or will be appearing in the Marvel films. Attached was an image of this same character but from a porn parody. I damn near flipped my shit. For some reason the porn versions of superhero movie manage to pick actors that look like the characters and also have costumes that look like the comic books. Of course I have to mention Kimberly Kane as Wonder Woman.

I have found images of the characters from the Captain America: XXX film which I will be watching soon I don't care what you think. If you wanna be a prude, fine. 

But look at these costumes and see how close they are to the comic book versions. It's incredible.

Demand It!: The Signal

The Signal is a movie that deserved far better attention than it got from everyone including me. I saw a trailer for this on Youtube and wanted to check it out because I'm a fan of Laurence Fishburne. So I decided to watch this while ironing clothes for no reason and this turned out to be a really good sci-fi movie.

This is full of spoilers.

These three MIT students are on a trip to drop their friend and Nic's former girlfriend Haley off in California. Jonah and Nic are busy battling a hacker named NOMAD who ends up hacking into Haley's computer and shows that they are watching them. They freak out but still track the hacker into a pace in Nevada and decided in the middle of the damned night to pay a visit. Such a bad idea.

Theater Whore: This Is Where I Leave You

This Is Where I Leave You 5/10

I decided to check out This Is Where I Leave You at the suggestion of my aunt. This is a movie about a father passing away and the mother forcing her adult children to stay together for a week. Of course every single one of them has terrible relationships that are made harder by being near one another. This isn't a terrible movie but I can't suggest it to anyone. I can see why some would like it but to me it felt like a lighthearted version of August Osage County. I was bothered by the fact that everyone knew exactly what to say to each other. It felt like this was written by a therapist that lives in a world where everything can be fixed with the proper way of saying fucked up things. The cast is full of people I like but it still wasn't enough to make me enjoy it.

Click here for previous Theater Whore.

I Survived The Wonder Woman Pilot

That was something else. For some reason Wonder Woman popped into my head and I wanted to see if I could watch that terrible looking series that never aired from 2011. Turns out that it is everywhere online so I watched it and it was actually worse than I was expecting.

Now, I am not being harsh on things like special effects because it isn't complete. Here Lasso of Truth is a cartoon at times, the Invisible Jet looks like ass, and the same two girls cheer for her on two separate occasions. But I can talk about the writing and the acting both of which were just...ugh.

Theater Whore: The Equalizer

The Equalizer 8/10

This movie is a hard rated R! Just gotta put that out there. Oh, and some spoilers. I wasn't exactly dying to see this movie. I knew that the old series was called The Equalizer and my Grandmama watched it along with a bunch of other shows about old people killing murderers or looking to solve them. So going in all I knew was that Denzel Washington was in it and it was directed by the guy that did Training Day which is one of my favorite movies. So fuck it. I wanted to see what would happen.

This is a damned good movie. It helped fill that straight up action movie void that has been missing this summer. There has been a lot of action movies the last few months that had lots of explosions but didn't quite deliver. This movie did. Denzel plays Robert “Bob” McCall who is a retired guy from black ops. This story takes place in Boston where his life is very plain. He works at a huge hardware store and goes home and to a nearby diner where he keeps things simple to the point of being OCD.

Nothing But Gossip October 3rd 2014

Charlie Sheen went off on a dental technician who accused him of being high on cocaine and attacking the dentist. “Hey cholesterol pants: Maybe you should have taken the crack you so brazenly and ignorantly accused me of being on, and sold it! Now that you're a jobless washout and a traitor, you're gonna need the extra dough...lick those food stamps, you desperate troll.”

Amanda Bynes is back at it again. After being on the down low for a while and under the watchful eye of her parents she was in school and quiet. Now she has already been arrested while driving under the influence of Adderall, kicked out of school because of weed, and her parents had no idea until news of her arrest got out. Her parents look old as old get out and don't need the stress. Hopefully she gets out of L.A.

George Clooney and Amal Alamuddin are now married. They sold pictures from the wedding (there was a shitload of rules for pictures being taken) to magazines for charity.